at a time

Many personality tests ask this question "Do you persevere until the task is finished." and in most occasion i have been honest and respond with a 'NO'.

Reflecting recently on my education and career choices, i realized that i managed to complete every education degree with a decent score. On the work front too, whenever i chose to quit, it was when i decided that my time there was over and i should move on.
Still I didn't consider "perseverance" as one of my strengths. I rather try to complete the task at the last moment in a hurry (because it had to be completed) than be working hard at it.

So when at the beginning of this year, i told myself that i would learn Yoga, i wasn't sure that i would work towards it. Whenever i enquired about the classes or check ads, i wouldn't find something suitable with the timings, fee, location or duration. So i was on the lookout for the perfect opportunity (if they exist). And as the Buddhist say and now i believe

"When the student is ready, the master appears"

I found a tiny ad in a local paper about Yoga classes and decided to contact them. It turned out to be fitting my scheme of things and i joined it.

My yoga teacher, an enchanting lady, seemed to know her stuff and has been teaching for the past 20 odd years. She informed us that most of the students give up Yoga midway since its not everyone's cup of tea. And by the end of two sessions, i could understand why. It requires one to work so much on ones body and mind together to get into a posture. And you feel pain in parts of body you didn't know existed. I was intending to give up too. Not because i was beyond bearable pain. But because i felt i might not be able to perform as well as my teacher expected me too.

And then i recollected a statement in Osho's book (Yoga, the supreme science)

" First be a disciple, dont try to master. Mastership will come"

Whenever i have given up on something, it is because i wanted to master it before i became the disciple. i didn't give it hard-work, discipline and effort but wanted to get it right in the first few attempts itself. And when it didnt work, i would quit. Adult learners most of the times come across such experiences. But look at children, see how many times they practise something they wanna learn, master it and then perform it effortlessly. When a child who has not experiences as much as mine can do it, so can i.

I am determined to make myself a disciple for as long as takes with the practice it requires. Yoga practitioner, Samara Chopra also states on her home page " It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long as you dont stop" - Confucius


A friend of mine, Nitya shared this image on FB which will help me remember to take one step..

at the end

"It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end."— Leonardo da Vinci

I had a interesting nightout with loved ones yesterday. Among other stuff we jabbered about, there was one topic about temptations and values. How much are we willing to give up on our values to enjoy our temptations. Or will be fools to have let the opportunities pass by just because we have some notion of what our value system are.

My friend (lets call A) said you might be sure of the reasons you are going ahead with the temptations, however you will never know when it becomes a need and you lose control over it.

I said but what if you know yourself well enough and unless you tried this you will always feel like a loser for not experiencing it all.

A replied "Life isnt fair. accept it coz when you go against your values its gonna ruin not only you but all those who trust you for your values"

After much as tossing and turning over the ideas, we were not able to conclude whose views were more accurate. I dont know now if i want to be tempted or i will regret the whole episode. And once done, it cannot be undone. So i think if you are willing to face the consequences, even the ones you didnt know existed, you can go ahead. However if you are going to create a whirlpool for all around you, better control it in the beginning itself.

I do agree with A that the thought (temptations) is fine as a thought in the mind however performing the action (against your value system) makes it worse. And this quote clearly states that its better to resist temptation at the beginning than...

ANYTHING

An incident in the TV series Bones touched a chord with my own reality and reminded me that... .. No matter how planned or unplanned a person is.. Life has its own way of unfolding and the odds are not in your control..

In the of Bones S06E16 ‘The Blackout in the Blizzard', a troubled Angela (Michaela Conlin) arrives from a doctor's appointment. She finds out that she’s an LCA (Leber's Congenital Amaurosis) carrier. Although LCA affects 1 in 80,000 people, it's an autosomal recessive disorder. If both parents are carriers, the child has a 1 in 4 chance of getting both copies of the recessive gene and having the disorder, which causes blindness.

If Angela's partner, Hodgin (TJ Thyne) is a carrier too, it means their baby could be blind. Hodgin’s reassures her that the chances of that are slim, its only 25%.

Hodgin gets his test done only to find that he's an LCA carrier too. He breaks down and tries to understand why this happened to Angela and him.
He wonders to a colleague that “you hear that something has a one in a thousand chance or one in 10,000”. The colleague replies that “But I guess it's like the lottery, right? Someone always wins, you know? “

Then as Hodgin tearily breaks the news, Angela embraces him. Hodgins remarks that still there is only a 25% chance of blindness. Angela says the math is what did them so not to bother her about their chances.

Hodgins remarks that he will take up piano since he can't look through microscopes with his kid, atleast they'll play piano together. He advises Angela to take up sculpture. Angela thinks Hodgins is getting ahead of himself and says there is only a 25% chance of blindness. She then smiles, realizing what Hodgins has done. He gave her the optimism that they still may have their chance.

Hodgins and Angela end the episode with the upbeat attitude that they can handle anything, as long as they do it together.


Their situation resonates with ours… I mean what were our odds.. However we too fell into a particular zone of sorts.. And this makes our minds oscillate between thoughts such as

We might have wanted it so badly from when we were kids
or we may have never really thought about it at all,

We might think we had done something in the past for this to happen to us
or we may think that we’re going through the ordeal for becoming stronger,

We might think we deserve it more than everyone else who has it
or we may feel that the grapes are sour and we’re lucky without it

And when we are tired of taking sides, we can’t remember which of these thoughts bothers us more. Its like what Marilynne Robinson said

“When things are taking their ordinary course, it is hard to remember what matters.”

However all this makes me realize one thing that I wouldn’t want 'us' to forget, ever

“TOGETHER, WE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING”

and that's all that matters...

them all..

Some lines i started penned down when i missed him.. and then i didnt..

the steam of hot tea from your empty cup

the answers i need to come up with when i havent taken a bath

the alarm bells ringing in my ears after delay reading the paper

the frown seeing me wearing my slip turned inside out

Miss them all...

stay away

This blog which was a long time due in pending to be posted.. so here it is.. for those who think you are funny and we are sensitive, stay away coz i know what 'funny' means better than you..

Paulo Coelho spoke about the power of the word in (Brida)

God reveals himself in everything,
but the word is one of his favorite ways of taking action,
because the word is thought transformed into vibration.
The word has greater power than many rituals.

The power of word is such that by the words you speak out of your mouth, you send out your vibrations to everyone around you. People feel "you" by your words (most of the times). However some people misuse this power and send out unhealthy vibrations consistently hurting those around and in the long run, themselves.

A friend of mine once told me about a movie the friend saw. The friend said the script was bad, the story was too mushy too believe, the concept was the usual, blah blah, and then this friend ended saying.. “but you know what, you will like the movie.. its your type of movie..”

I was dumbstruck by the unassuming manner in which I was told I had a bad taste.

On another discussion i was told, kids need fear to learn coz thats the only thing they know. So you if you wanna be in control, you gotta use the stick.
Gimme a break, your lack of creativity to handle a kid doesnt give you the right to abuse the kid, even if its yours (anyways, thats content for another post)

However instead of saying how rude that sounded, I just smiled. And that I think was a huge error. Coz later on, i observed, unfortunately, on many other occasions, this friend spoke in the similar manner and tone to all around.

But why do they do what they do.. try to indulge in such cynical comments or cutting remarks.

Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project” put a prayer attributed to St. Augustine of Hippo which includes the line, "Shield your joyous ones" -

Tend your sick ones, O Lord Jesus Christ;
rest your weary ones; bless your dying ones;
soothe your suffering ones;
pity your afflicted ones;
shield your joyous ones.
And all for your love’s sake.

Gretchin tries to make the readers understand why the joyous ones needed to be shielded. In her attempt at happiness she figures how much effort it takes to be consistently good-tempered and positive. And she realizes how less people appreciate others happiness and just try to make them feel unworthy.

She says “We non-joyous types suck energy and cheer from the joyous ones. We rely on them to buoy us with their good spirit and to cushion our agitation and anxiety.
At the same time, because of a dark element in human nature, we’re sometimes provoked to try to shake the joyous ones out of their fog of illusion—to make them see that the play was actually stupid, the money was wasted, the meeting was pointless. Instead of shielding their joy, we blast it. Why is this? I have no idea. But that impulse is there"

That impulse.. that impulse becomes a behavior because you feel stronger when you abuse, and those who don’t have self belief would try to feel stronger by provoking others and bullying them with their words. And, to add insult to injury, if they were ridiculed, they would turn all teary eyed..

I recently met a couple of other women who say sharp remarks and try to belittle others. I found that many tackle such people by “AVOIDING them.”
I mean, why would you be around people who have nothing better than mock your intrinsic personality and beliefs? We all have different ideologies, dammit. so keep your prejudicial view points to yourself. However there will still be people around you.. Those are the ones who either share the same mindset as you do or who are in awe of you. Those who don’t share your views and don’t think you are worth the words you speak, will, well, try to stay away.

Viktor E. Frankl in his book "Man's Search for Meaning" states his experiences as a concentration camp inmate and describes his psychotherapeutic method of finding a reason to live. I love his statement wherein he says
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

So if one chooses to grow (along with other people) then one should always be aware and choose ones response or else…

Enneagram Test Results

Love taking online personality tests.. time and again..

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||| 34% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||| 74% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||| 58% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 54% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 54% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 50% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||| 38% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||| 34% Your main type is 2 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

...myraid hues

Many a times during conversations with people who are doing a lot of interesting stuff (as far as I am concerned), they let me know that "Life is boring”, Nothing’s happening. Blah-blah blah-blah and... blah-blah.
On the other hand, i, am not even doing half of the things which excite me and still life is interesting beyond words..

Maybe it has to do with the way one looks at any activity. Here i am not making ANY claims of my view point being better.. I am trying to unravel why it is not interesting for many, as it is for me..

Leave aside the things one likes to do and enjoys. I am referring to stuff that have become routines and ones which "i don’t have an interest but have to do anyways". Many a times,one should try and step out of oneself and look at how the task is done, even the ones we don’t so enjoy (for me it’s cleaning). Forget multi-tasking, efficiency and saving time for a moment. Why not do the task by being aware of it (that’s carpe-diem). If you ask me, that’s really tough. For e.g.; if you try observing how you eat, it’s going to be nearly impossible to eat.

To start with, we have memories (good/unhealthy) that flood us when we do a task.. Such as, i've done this before in a particular way, it’s becoming boring or it didn’t work last time.. We might be tired, uninterested and just in a "not feeling like doing it" mode. This leads to procrastination. And then in the urgency to complete it, we will do it half-heartedly and without enjoyment. My better-half wont mince any words to quote examples about me in umpteen such scenarios. And i too plan to write a thesis on procrastination from vast personal experiences. ;)

Anyways, getting back to the topic. Why not do the same deed differently now? I am not asking to bring out the creative hats yet. Doable simple modifications, like change the pattern or mix it up or think of something better. For example, while folding clothes after being dried, i try folding them in squares once and another time in rectangular patterns (don’t try circular, it’s a mess). Anyways, the idea being, try not to let the activity be routinesed (if that’s a word). When one changes s-e-x-u-a-l positions to enjoy the act more, why can't any other monotonous activity be done differently to spice it up !

And then, if we only knew how much of inputs are received by us through our fascinating senses ( visual, auditory, touch, taste and smell) at any given moment. All senses are felt, sent across and the responsive actions are sent by the supercomputer inside (the brain). It all happens in a split second. Everything works in so much synchronization that we hardly even know the speed and subtlety with which we experience them. It’s simply magnificent (don’t you think!!!)

Everything about oneself and the interaction with the environment is delightful. There are millions of ways to view or do anything.

Nevertheless, I am reminded of this quote “We see things not as they are but as we are.” So i guess, more than anything, we need to look through our own self while doing stuff and bring from within the..

...Mujik

Wake Up Sid, for reasons of its own, has been a favorite movie of mine.. I liked its songs especially. All the songs evoked different feelings within me... Its got light, peppy and soothing numbers..

Life's Crazy
In this song, Konkana Sen converts a sad place into a cosy nest with the help of Ranbir (whistle for this young charmer) and his friends..This song is associated with moving into a new place and how the home is a symbolism of your individualism as one fills it with what they like.. I love the feeling of contentment which Konkana feels at the end, lying on her bed on the floor.

Vel Malang
This song has the soothing rustic voice of Tochi Raina. Its a sad song wherein the couple separate because of mis-communication (the commonest of reasons).
There is also a particular scene in this song which is, in a way, sensual for me. Ranbir leaves Konkana and comes back home. As he empties his bag, he finds Konkana's favourite white (night) kurta. He looks at it fondly, removes his grey T-shirt, puts on her Kurta, gets up to look in the mirror and (metaphorically) enjoys and stays with the feeling of her on him..

Kya Karoon
And then this song... I'd like to call this song Lazy Lamhe song...
The slow beat.. Humming "tu ru tu tu ru..." Chilling out with friends, eating shopping, partying, late night drive... all this has a secure and comforting feeling.. This song reminds me that there are a few friends with whom its never ever "enough".. I also love the way Ranbir dances at the party is captured in slow motion.. being in the moment, without inhibitions.. something i have always wanted to do... and this song has been my Hello Tune for the last eight months.. so that's that..

Wake Up Sid
This song is "Carpe Diem" epitomized... It encourages one to be in the moment and do what YOU think is right... You decide what you want to do, since you are the traveller as well as you are the medium of travel (philosophically).. Dont let today also be like yesterday, why are you so lazy, do something, cry or laugh, but do fill your life some colour...
This song helped me quit doing what i didnt wanna do... ;)

Aaj Kal
In this song Ranbir starts working on photography which was his passion. He is also leaves his home, his comfort zone to work harder. The song goes something like,
"Nowadays life is telling me, listen to it and go on the path of your dreams, embrace all the fragrances and the light in your arms,
And the day and night is new, desires are youthful and the feelings are new
so many moments have surprised me, so many words have touched me"
I am in a similar phase of my life, where everything is new, fresh, out of all comfort zones and energizing .. This song how i'm feeling about the Spl Ed course at VS.

Everyone has such song lists for different emotions and phases of their lives.. So here's cheers for everyone's special sound of..

.. You're Smart!!!

I had a small assessment of sorts today on Multiple Intelligence. It based on Howard Gardner's work around multiple intelligences and i came to understand what a wonderful combination of intelligences i have.
Now this should seem strange because i am considered to be a dumb person on most occasions, which has affected my self-esteem in the past.
Anyways, the results were super cool as far as i was concerned.

I have a strong Linguistic Intelligence.
Next comes Inter-personal intelligence.
And along with Intra-Personal Intelligence.
I also have a Naturalistic intelligence.

And so now on, i will not wonder why i get the want to attend story-telling workshops and go for tree-walks and love being a vegetarian. Coz thats what my mind tilts towards effortlessly. And when i am doing all these things, i am in harmony with myself.

Why-o-why dont we have this sort of assessment back in our schools/colleges?
Why do so many children have to struggle through their education without being taught in the manner which their own intelligence understands.
With the so out-of-sync education system, i, sorry we, suffer the brunt.

Most importantly, now that i know, what am i gonna do about it.
Thats all that should matter..

I would like everyone who comes across this blog to try and find yours and your child's intelligences. This will help immensely to learn as well as try teaching them using that intelligence.

I found a couple of online assessments, though cant validate for their authenticity.
However, this can be a start to get familiar with the concept.
What's your learning style
A basic assessment
Interactive Multiple Intelligence Test

Learn more about Multiple Intelligences, use it and to quote Howard Gardner "It's Not How Smart You Are, It's How...

...Bon Appetite !!!

I am starting a new phase today or rather a shift in my life.
It is pretty important to me that i work this one out for myself.

But more i think of it, more i am getting nervous and doubtful about how i am going to get through this and handle myself.

And then i try to think of Julia Child.

She was so much larger than life (even literally, 6, 2'), of not just being passionate about her husband, eating and cooking, which came very late in life (point to note, common factor between her and me). It was not until her mid 30s that she decided to master the art of French cuisine. Despite many years of rejection, with her never-give-up attitude, she managed to publish her first cookbook. She later appeared in hew own TV series, at the age of 51.

I'm deeply enchanted by Meryl Streep's portrayal of Julia in the movie (Julie & Julia, decided to watch it once every year). I have also watched couple of Julia child's videos and found her being extremely passionate about living, being alive and in joy and unafraid and so many other things, which is inspirational, in a more than one way for me.

So here I am, going to achieve that level of perfection and do whatever it takes for this to work for me .
If for some reason, it doesn't... I will remember what Julia said,
"Perfection. And even if it isn't, never apologize. No excuses! No explanations"

So, with her confident persona in my mind, here's wishing myself...