Sudha

It’s her birthday today. And this is my ode to her. She doesn't know I blog, so this goes from within me out into the universe, for her.

I met her 15 years back in school. I was (and still am) a chatterbox in the classroom. And she, she was the opposite (and still is), silent and doesn't seek any attention. I was drawn to talk to her because I wanted her to speak. I couldn’t fathom how someone could be as quiet as her. She seemed at peace with herself and her routine. So I tried to break the ice, went near her & asked her something. I remember her being surprised at my wanting to talk to her. She responded with a few words. And then it started. From then on, though I had other classmates to spend time with, I would try to spend time with her and have some conversations. We finished our 11^th and 12^th std without becoming the best of friends, but our conversations had definitely moved beyond few words. As fate would have it, we landed up in the same college in the same class for the next three years. I call those three years in college as the most, MOST uneventful period of my life. There is nothing spectacular I did or rather recollect happening to me worth cherishing, except her.

The thing I’ve realized (now) is that when one has a lot of nervous energy and releases it out by talking, someone who listens is your catharsis. And I had found my sounding board. Unlike others who agreed or disagreed with me, she just listened and absorbed. Being around her, I never bunked classes, nor did I do any of the naughty stuff one does in college. I am not saying this in a proud or prude manner. But the fact of the matter is, there are some souls who bring out parts of you, you didn't know exist. She brought about my tranquility. Unfortunately for me, it was an unaware tranquility. I didn't put my disposition to any use, like achieving something or even in making any worthwhile dreams. But now, in the present, I realize how important she is to me. I witness so-called friends who compare, judge, doubt, bore, annoy, confuse, nag, tease, irritate and upset each other. Those scary formative years (teens to adult) are when we build concrete foundations about life and self. If those years are marred by being around people who keep you on tenterhooks, then that’s how you will treat the people you meet later in life, without trust. Her presence in my life at that period, gave me the gift of just being and accepting. I am deeply thankful to her for rubbing off that attitude of hers onto me.

I am a phonephobic and usually don’t make out calls, unless absolutely necessary. So for the past 10 years, it is she who has kept in touch with me. I say this with remorse that I don’t remember ever calling her during these years. It was mostly always her. She would call me twice or thrice in a year and update me about her life and asks me about mine. She got married, moved countries, came back to the city, she kept in touch via emails, photos and phone calls. She delivered her daughter and last year gave birth to her son. Even when she was busy running around her daughter, she would call me up without fail, on my birthday & anniversary. The only salvaging act I did to be in this relationship was that whenever, and I mean whenever, she called me to tell she was at her mom’s house, I would go and meet up with her. We would chit-chat about families and events unfolding in our lives. That’s about it.

However there is something divine about meeting up with her. None of my current friends know about her or her presence in my life. She is a house-wife with two children and that’s her life. There isn't anything much apart from that i can describe her. She is as normal, routine and unchanging. She doesn't discuss trends or movies or books or music. She doesn't aim to become part of any group (religious or otherwise). She lives her life as each day comes. Seeking nothing, needing enough. But she is the strange ‘constant’ in my life.

It’s her birthday today. And for the first time in 10 years I called and wished her. I apologized for never having wished her before, by giving the lamest excuse that ‘I was always confused if it were today or the 10^th’. To this she replied, ‘That’s ok, i don’t expect you to remember..’ And with that she said it all.

She doesn't expect, ANYTHING, from me.

So this is my birthday wish for you, that you be always surrounded with the unconditional love that you are so filled within.

Love and more, to my dearest…