...kinare

Ever since I listened to this song, i was flooded with thoughts and the urge to write a post.

Sometimes, after the experience of attaining a particular set goal, we wish that the close & special people who were along with us in this journey would choose to continue with us to the next destination. But alas, they have done what they can and now they seek to move away. 

We can’t bear to let this happen. Especially, if it’s the person who we think we need and cannot function without. It’s a dreadful feeling to know that the ones you love, no longer need you, like you still do them. We don’t think we can stay afloat, ever again. It feels like drowning, gasping for breaths, contraction.

But you need to, not just because there is so much more to life or there will be others worthy of your love. But because the journey has always been, just about you. 

People will come and go, as and when they feel like. However, there will be just one person who is going to stay all through your life. Its not your parents, siblings, spouse, children or beloved friends. It’s YOU, yourself.  

It’s always going to be you that you have to rely on. And that’s scary. What if you screw up? Again? with your choices of people and decisions. Then you still, will have yourself. That is who you ever had from the beginning and that is who will remain with you.

Asking others for guidance during the journey is only to figure out the choices that are available since we all have limited perspectives. Whichever path we choose, it will eventually lead us to the destination, to the shore, which strangely happens to be none other than, ourselves.

When you listen to a story, you connect the dots in a completely different way from any other person listening to the same story. Similarly, every event that occurs in your life is random and has only the meaning and connections that you choose to give them. Everything is personal. And that’s what makes it so special, it’s all about you. 

The sinking feeling of lose, the desperation is to force us to sort out our own unique way of coping & letting go of everything that felt necessary and see what remains. When we look carefully enough, we are going to find only more of ourselves.

And above all, the contraction seems to be a pre-requisite for expanding our entire being, our very own shores, kyon ki..

Khud hi to hain hum, kinaare     (We ourselves are, the shores)
Kaise honge kam, kinaare          (How can we be any less than, the shores)
Hain jahaan hain hum, kinare     (Where we are right now are, the shores)
Khud hi to hain hum

..its own sweet time

《UPDATED》

When i talk less, i speak much better 
Appropriate silences allow to process the view of others and engage in a meaningful conversation.

When i worry less, i think better 
Letting negative thoughts come and go, without giving attention to them allows positive thoughts to surface clearly.

When i reason less, i make sense of things better
Its sensible to choose our battles. Every act doesn't require answers or insights. Just try and love the questions themselves.

When i feel less, i experience more
It's a gift to experience life so deeply. Setting boundaries helps to expand limits slowly, respectfully and without fear.

When i hear less of others, i listen more of me
I listen to my voice and am not an echo anymore. Asserting needs with tact brings clarity for everyone involved.

When i focus on lovers less, i attract and radiate more love
I don't need to own someone and none should own me. On 2nd thoughts, I don't even own myself. All I can & gotta do, is love. 

When i judge less, i witness so much more
Everything is opinions and perspectives. People are just people and thoughts are just thoughts. 

When i accept miracles less, i believe in randomness more
All the variables can never be known. Letting everything happen as it is, i also allow myself to flow naturally.

When i concentrate less on beauty, i'm more comfortable in my skin, my own ishtyle
The things that make me different make me, me.

When i compare less, i challenge myself more
We don't need to become each other. We gotta bring out our uniqueness to create the balances.

When i remember less, i forgive more
Acknowledging my own shadows helps to deal with others' darknesses.

When i seek perfection less, i allow authenticity more
I know i am enough and so are you.

When i conclude less, i find more variety in the choice of paths
There are a million way to be free. Look around..

When i accept being normal less, i enjoy being weird a lot more
Quirkiness is crazily cute. it really is... wogai! maybe it is for silly me.

When I hold on less, I let go more
Letting go doesn't mean subtraction or denying anything. It feels like expanding... into everything.

When nothing matters less, everything matters more
When feelings change, they speak of the truths within. Merge them with actions to enjoy each moments' value. 

When i seek less, i keep discovering more and more
Life's purpose is all about figuring it out. 









And finally        ====================>

Everything just happens in..

...15 seconds

Nithya Shanti shared this practise on 31st Dec. 2013

We have decided to practice 15 seconds of present moment awareness, at least 80 times today. Join us if you like. May you have a truly happy and conscious day, year and life.

Inspite of being sure that New Year resolutions seldom EVER work, i instantly knew that i have to join this pratice.

This blog's title has the word 'Carpe Diem' in it, which means 'Seize the day'.

   
And as i start this practise from 31st onwards, i feel that all i need, so as to experience the intoxication of life is...

...inner core

We never accuse ourselves of the problems that happen to us. I got reminded of this recently.

A scene in the episode Painless, S05E12 of House M.D refers to how Dr. House (Hugh Laurie) wont accept that he could be the reason for the plumbing problem at his home. 

He notices his ceiling leaking and pokes it with his cane. The ceiling collapses with water falling over him. He has a workman come in who finds that the leak is the result of negligence from pulling on the pipe and isn't covered by insurance. The cost to fix it is $2,200. House refuses to accept the collapsed ceiling were caused by negligence and later bribes the handyman to lie to the insurance company about his broken pipes. However, the bribe was bigger than the costs of the repair.

Though later on House discovers that it was as a result of his own negligence. He goes to take a bath and realizes he’s been pulling on the pipes to help himself in and out of the bath and realizes he actually did cause the damage to his own pipes.

Why this scene comes to mind is because I recently suffered some major lower back-pain. As i was enduring the unbearable pain, I accused destiny, bad timing, green eyes, etc. to the pain. After two months, i chose to visit the orthopedic doctor. The doctor asked me only two questions. 

1. Do you use the computer a lot? 
2. Do you lead a sedentary lifestyle?

Poof!!!

Apparently, I caused the muscles to become tight and inflexible with a weak core due to my own habits. After couple of physiotherapy, acupuncture and rehab exercises, i understand how much i need to get up and move around. At the therapy center, i also got a glimpse of other people in severe pain and how it could turn out to be for me as well (if changes were not made soon). 

Exercises include simple daily stretches and Transverse Abdominis (TA) activation. The TA is a horizontal band of muscle that runs side-to-side from the rib cage to the pelvis and basically holds the contents of the abdomen in place.
This is a fairly new concept to me and requires more practice. 

For the past few months, I have been furiously working on my anxiety and fear based issues of the mind, forgetting the basic principle that 'Our body is the temple of the mind.'

I usually don't make any on New Years (do they ever sustain?). So I've decided to make a pre-new year resolution. The next 12 months focus will not only be on my mind, it will also be on my body's..

..his own image

I'm not cricket fan, but have been asked to read, umpteen times by Abi, the prose used to describe him in articles. I mostly felt like i was reading Kabir ke dohe or one of Rumi's couplet. Words never seemed enough.

Right now, i see crowds cheer non-stop, erupt into joy and sadness in unison. From politicians, businessmen, actors, retired players across countries and enthusiastic crazy-face painted folks thronging to savour each and every second his feet are on the field. Everyone without exception has spoken about the incomparable role-model he has sustained to remain for so so many years. 

I see everyone attempting the task of trying to let go. Sadly and as it is, they find it more difficult than they thought it would.

The ideas like carpe-diem, meditative focus and unconditional love can all be understood (a bit) more easily in this one occasion.

Which God wouldn't like to watch the adulation he receives in.... 

Required

A friend posted this question on a thread asking "the reason people who are not vegetarian by birth, what made them change to it?"
http://chennaifoodguide.in/thread/view?id=179

My thoughts on this topic

Born into a Malayali Syrian Christian family and being the only ‘shakahari’ as my ammachy calls me, is tough, till date. I was 16 when I stopped eating Non-veg. I am neither an animal-lover nor enamored by organized religion. But, back then, this sentence kinda affected me deeply 

“Spiritual progress does demand at some stage that we should cease to kill our fellow creatures for the satisfaction of our bodily wants." --Mahatma Gandhi.

I had started reading articles by PFA in Young World paper.  Reading about how brutally animals were treated- clipped mouth, huddles in small spaces, veal (calves are taken from their mothers one or two days after birth), I decided to stop eating.  Even though i've seen my grandfather kill a home-bred chicken for dinner and didnt feel a thing, it just didn’t feel right to eat something which didn’t want to be eaten. The weaning away started gradually, checking my willpower if I could leave NV and not to shock my parents too. It worked and after sometime I didn’t feel the need to eat it anymore. It’s been 15 years now and I think it’s still a decision I am happy to have chosen.

I get following comments, esp at family and church gatherings.

• Have you tried this dish? Once you eat it your mind will COMPLETELY (mallu accent) change.
• Haven’t you read in the Bible where it says we can eat specific clean animals. So you SHOULD eat them. God created them ONLY (again mallu accent) for you. SO you should eat them, because the bible says so.
• Not even fish you’ll eat! What about the rice in mutton biryani, that’s not NV?
• This is not some factory processed meat. This is nadaan (country) chicken, fully home-grown.
• What, you’re still a vegetarian?  Didn’t your husband convert you yet? (My semi- hardcore NV husband cooks yummy finger-licking NV dishes, as informed by those who have eaten it)
• What fasting at this time of the year, huh, not even Lent?
• Just give her and make her eat (Told to my MIL, with me standing right there)
• And of course the most common - So, you will kill plants. That’s not killing, eh! Do you know they have life too?

It is unbelievably irritating! Its also amusing that I know if I tell people my thoughts about open marriages, there will be complete silence, not even a pip. However if I tell them I am a vegetarian, they cannot stop themselves from trying to convert me, until the end of time. 

The reason as to why I am a vegetarian, is that it resonates within my powerful spirit. No other reason is required, for me.

.. no frills

Recently watched the movie, Shudh Desi Romance. I liked it. Strong/weak(as you see it) women in love the commitment phobic guy.

It reminded me of my favourite Woody Allen movies on multiple romances and the confusions that arise thereof. 

There was one dialogue which captivated me a lot though. It was spoken by the Tara (beaming Vaani Kapoor) something on the lines of 

‘We don’t remember when and how we fall in love, it happens. However, we know the exact moment when all the love fades away, isn’t it?’

And sadly enough, it happens…

After love fades away and the pain & the despair lessens, it should feel easy to let go of the person. Logic states there is no reason left, so let go. However, when there is no reason left and you still love that person, you truly experience love as it is, with..

everything...

I read these two books back to back during the last couple of weeks and decided to write a short book review about them.

Book 1 : The First 20 Hours - How to learn anything Fast by Josh Kaufman

This is one the first books i am reading on accelerated learning. I found it written with a lot of practical and clear methods to try and focus on learning anything with the idea of not becoming an expert, but make that learning effectively useful to our individual lives. The best part of the book is the model in which Josh presents it. Instead of '101 Steps on how to learn anything fast', Josh Kaufman uses his own methods to learn these absolutely unrelated topics (learning to program a Web application, play the ukulele, practice yoga, re-learn to touch type, get the hang of windsurfing, and study the world's oldest and most complex board game). As you read the book, you begin to realize how frustrating it is (even for a learning junkie like him) to practise the first few sessions. He provides a systematic approach to rapid skill acquisition. The process is to 

1) be clear of the target goal

2) deconstruct the skill into sub-skills

3) research quickly and move into practise  

4) remove any barriers for practising and 

5) to practise for a minimum of 20 hours

Each of us wanna learn different stuff for different reasons. The end result/goal, defined specifically by each of us, will guide us to learn the skills with the techniques suggested by Josh.  The key epiphany i choose to remember from this book is this statement:

 "The barrier to learning is not intellectual, its emotional."

You can check out his video for more inspiration

Book 2: The Renaissance Soul: Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One by Margaret Lobenstine 

                                               

This is a book which has a personal resonance with me. It justifies the simple idea that each and everyone of us have varied passions, uniquely packaged. 

In spite of having these different passions, we are somehow made to believe that our's life's goal is to follow a linear path. We will be deemed successful only if we stick to that ONE path. If we choose to move away from our singular ambition, then we are condemned as someone who keeps changing our mind. There is no leeway to shift at all and that really sucks!! 

I studied Commerce and Financial Management and worked as a Research Analyst in a Financial Research company. It was only when i was around 28 years that i decided to shift completely into the field of Education and Teaching. And that was blasphemy to everyone. 'You are going to have to start from the scratch', they scared me. Except that they didn't know, i enjoyed learning. especially topics like child psychology, behavior management, teaching techniques and disability (mentioned in this book as 'an umbrella of interests')  

The book 'The Renaissance Soul' is for someone who has, lets say 15 interest points, and helps them narrow it down to 4 or 5. This does two things

1) brings clarity as to the things which you are most passionate about 

2) And helps tackle the other 45 odds things at a later time in your life. (who says life's short,eh)

In this book too, there are actual examples of people pursuing diverse interests simultaneously. So you can make correlations to your life interests. It helps to gauge your varied interest with focus and not in an scattered manner as we are prone to do.

Both the books are quick to read and relate to managing varied interests without seeming like someone who is jumping from one thing to another and wasting their life pursuing worthless ideas. Both John Kaufmann & Margaret Lobenstine use their own experiences to show how they made this work and became successful.

After reading this two books, i am filled with an uplifting energy to bring together my different desires to work for me, I am all geared up to learn lots of new stuff because i have some incredible interests, but now i am also going to make them purposeful and beneficial to me.

These two books also reminds me of why i chose the profession of an educator

They told me i could be anything i wanted, so i became...

Sawdhaan, about turn

What if LIFE, doesn't owe me anything????

Temporarily feeling the opposite of prenoia,

Image Credit : To one and only Huge Mcleod

Zentingling the tangle

Invoking the artist within, my first attempt at a Zentangle or meditative art form