Carpe Diem.. with me

at the end

2012-01-25T19:29:00.007+05:30

"It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end."— Leonardo da Vinci

I had a interesting nightout with loved ones yesterday. Among other stuff we jabbered about, there was one topic about temptations and values. How much are we willing to give up on our values to enjoy our temptations. Or will be fools to have let the opportunities pass by just because we have some notion of what our value system are.

My friend (lets call A) said you might be sure of the reasons you are going ahead with the temptations, however you will never know when it becomes a need and you lose control over it.

I said but what if you know yourself well enough and unless you tried this you will always feel like a loser for not experiencing it all.

A replied "Life isnt fair. accept it coz when you go against your values its gonna ruin not only you but all those who trust you for your values"

After much as tossing and turning over the ideas, we were not able to conclude whose views were more accurate. I dont know now if i want to be tempted or i will regret the whole episode. And once done, it cannot be undone. So i think if you are willing to face the consequences, even the ones you didnt know existed, you can go ahead. However if you are going to create a whirlpool for all around you, better control it in the beginning itself.

I do agree with A that the thought (temptations) is fine as a thought in the mind however performing the action (against your value system) makes it worse. And this quote clearly states that its better to resist temptation at the beginning than...

ANYTHING

2011-10-07T20:29:00.007+05:30

An incident in the TV series Bones touched a chord with my own reality and reminded me that... .. No matter how planned or unplanned a person is.. Life has its own way of unfolding and the odds are not in your control..

In the of Bones S06E16 ‘The Blackout in the Blizzard', a troubled Angela (Michaela Conlin) arrives from a doctor's appointment. She finds out that she’s an LCA (Leber's Congenital Amaurosis) carrier. Although LCA affects 1 in 80,000 people, it's an autosomal recessive disorder. If both parents are carriers, the child has a 1 in 4 chance of getting both copies of the recessive gene and having the disorder, which causes blindness.

If Angela's partner, Hodgin (TJ Thyne) is a carrier too, it means their baby could be blind. Hodgin’s reassures her that the chances of that are slim, its only 25%.

Hodgin gets his test done only to find that he's an LCA carrier too. He breaks down and tries to understand why this happened to Angela and him.
He wonders to a colleague that “you hear that something has a one in a thousand chance or one in 10,000”. The colleague replies that “But I guess it's like the lottery, right? Someone always wins, you know? “

Then as Hodgin tearily breaks the news, Angela embraces him. Hodgins remarks that still there is only a 25% chance of blindness. Angela says the math is what did them so not to bother her about their chances.

Hodgins remarks that he will take up piano since he can't look through microscopes with his kid, atleast they'll play piano together. He advises Angela to take up sculpture. Angela thinks Hodgins is getting ahead of himself and says there is only a 25% chance of blindness. She then smiles, realizing what Hodgins has done. He gave her the optimism that they still may have their chance.

Hodgins and Angela end the episode with the upbeat attitude that they can handle anything, as long as they do it together.

Their situation resonates with ours… I mean what were our odds.. However we too fell into a particular zone of sorts.. And this makes our minds oscillate between thoughts such as

We might have wanted it so badly from when we were kids
or we may have never really thought about it at all,

We might think we had done something in the past for this to happen to us
or we may think that we’re going through the ordeal for becoming stronger,

We might think we deserve it more than everyone else who has it
or we may feel that the grapes are sour and we’re lucky without it

And when we are tired of taking sides, we can’t remember which of these thoughts bothers us more. Its like what Marilynne Robinson said

“When things are taking their ordinary course, it is hard to remember what matters.”

However all this makes me realize one thing that I wouldn’t want 'us' to forget, ever

“TOGETHER, WE CAN HANDLE ANYTHING”

and that's all that matters...

them all..

2011-08-01T19:38:00.004+05:30

Some lines i started penned down when i missed him.. and then i didnt..

the steam of hot tea from your empty cup

the answers i need to come up with when i havent taken a bath

the alarm bells ringing in my ears after delay reading the paper

the frown seeing me wearing my slip turned inside out

Miss them all...

stay away

2011-04-09T23:41:00.007+05:30

This blog which was a long time due in pending to be posted.. so here it is.. for those who think you are funny and we are sensitive, stay away coz i know what 'funny' means better than you..

Paulo Coelho spoke about the power of the word in (Brida)

God reveals himself in everything,
but the word is one of his favorite ways of taking action,
because the word is thought transformed into vibration.
The word has greater power than many rituals.

The power of word is such that by the words you speak out of your mouth, you send out your vibrations to everyone around you. People feel "you" by your words (most of the times). However some people misuse this power and send out unhealthy vibrations consistently hurting those around and in the long run, themselves.

A friend of mine once told me about a movie the friend saw. The friend said the script was bad, the story was too mushy too believe, the concept was the usual, blah blah, and then this friend ended saying.. “but you know what, you will like the movie.. its your type of movie..”

I was dumbstruck by the unassuming manner in which I was told I had a bad taste.

On another discussion i was told, kids need fear to learn coz thats the only thing they know. So you if you wanna be in control, you gotta use the stick.
Gimme a break, your lack of creativity to handle a kid doesnt give you the right to abuse the kid, even if its yours (anyways, thats content for another post)

However instead of saying how rude that sounded, I just smiled. And that I think was a huge error. Coz later on, i observed, unfortunately, on many other occasions, this friend spoke in the similar manner and tone to all around.

But why do they do what they do.. try to indulge in such cynical comments or cutting remarks.

Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project” put a prayer attributed to St. Augustine of Hippo which includes the line, "Shield your joyous ones" -

Tend your sick ones, O Lord Jesus Christ;
rest your weary ones; bless your dying ones;
soothe your suffering ones;
pity your afflicted ones;
shield your joyous ones.
And all for your love’s sake.

Gretchin tries to make the readers understand why the joyous ones needed to be shielded. In her attempt at happiness she figures how much effort it takes to be consistently good-tempered and positive. And she realizes how less people appreciate others happiness and just try to make them feel unworthy.

She says “We non-joyous types suck energy and cheer from the joyous ones. We rely on them to buoy us with their good spirit and to cushion our agitation and anxiety.
At the same time, because of a dark element in human nature, we’re sometimes provoked to try to shake the joyous ones out of their fog of illusion—to make them see that the play was actually stupid, the money was wasted, the meeting was pointless. Instead of shielding their joy, we blast it. Why is this? I have no idea. But that impulse is there"

That impulse.. that impulse becomes a behavior because you feel stronger when you abuse, and those who don’t have self belief would try to feel stronger by provoking others and bullying them with their words. And, to add insult to injury, if they were ridiculed, they would turn all teary eyed..

I recently met a couple of other women who say sharp remarks and try to belittle others. I found that many tackle such people by “AVOIDING them.”
I mean, why would you be around people who have nothing better than mock your intrinsic personality and beliefs? We all have different ideologies, dammit. so keep your prejudicial view points to yourself. However there will still be people around you.. Those are the ones who either share the same mindset as you do or who are in awe of you. Those who don’t share your views and don’t think you are worth the words you speak, will, well, try to stay away.

Viktor E. Frankl in his book "Man's Search for Meaning" states his experiences as a concentration camp inmate and describes his psychotherapeutic method of finding a reason to live. I love his statement wherein he says
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

So if one chooses to grow (along with other people) then one should always be aware and choose ones response or else…

Enneagram Test Results

2011-03-01T10:00:00.001+05:30

Love taking online personality tests.. time and again..

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%

Your main type is 2
Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

...myraid hues

2010-10-14T11:01:00.006+05:30

Many a times during conversations with people who are doing a lot of interesting stuff (as far as I am concerned), they let me know that "Life is boring”, Nothing’s happening. Blah-blah blah-blah and... blah-blah.
On the other hand, i, am not even doing half of the things which excite me and still life is interesting beyond words..

Maybe it has to do with the way one looks at any activity. Here i am not making ANY claims of my view point being better.. I am trying to unravel why it is not interesting for many, as it is for me..

Leave aside the things one likes to do and enjoys. I am referring to stuff that have become routines and ones which "i don’t have an interest but have to do anyways". Many a times,one should try and step out of oneself and look at how the task is done, even the ones we don’t so enjoy (for me it’s cleaning). Forget multi-tasking, efficiency and saving time for a moment. Why not do the task by being aware of it (that’s carpe-diem). If you ask me, that’s really tough. For e.g.; if you try observing how you eat, it’s going to be nearly impossible to eat.

To start with, we have memories (good/unhealthy) that flood us when we do a task.. Such as, i've done this before in a particular way, it’s becoming boring or it didn’t work last time.. We might be tired, uninterested and just in a "not feeling like doing it" mode. This leads to procrastination. And then in the urgency to complete it, we will do it half-heartedly and without enjoyment. My better-half wont mince any words to quote examples about me in umpteen such scenarios. And i too plan to write a thesis on procrastination from vast personal experiences. ;)

Anyways, getting back to the topic. Why not do the same deed differently now? I am not asking to bring out the creative hats yet. Doable simple modifications, like change the pattern or mix it up or think of something better. For example, while folding clothes after being dried, i try folding them in squares once and another time in rectangular patterns (don’t try circular, it’s a mess). Anyways, the idea being, try not to let the activity be routinesed (if that’s a word). When one changes s-e-x-u-a-l positions to enjoy the act more, why can't any other monotonous activity be done differently to spice it up !

And then, if we only knew how much of inputs are received by us through our fascinating senses ( visual, auditory, touch, taste and smell) at any given moment. All senses are felt, sent across and the responsive actions are sent by the supercomputer inside (the brain). It all happens in a split second. Everything works in so much synchronization that we hardly even know the speed and subtlety with which we experience them. It’s simply magnificent (don’t you think!!!)

Everything about oneself and the interaction with the environment is delightful. There are millions of ways to view or do anything.

Nevertheless, I am reminded of this quote “We see things not as they are but as we are.” So i guess, more than anything, we need to look through our own self while doing stuff and bring from within the..

...Mujik

2010-08-02T18:18:00.012+05:30

Wake Up Sid, for reasons of its own, has been a favorite movie of mine.. I liked its songs especially. All the songs evoked different feelings within me... Its got light, peppy and soothing numbers..

Life's Crazy
In this song, Konkana Sen converts a sad place into a cosy nest with the help of Ranbir (whistle for this young charmer) and his friends..This song is associated with moving into a new place and how the home is a symbolism of your individualism as one fills it with what they like.. I love the feeling of contentment which Konkana feels at the end, lying on her bed on the floor.

Vel Malang
This song has the soothing rustic voice of Tochi Raina. Its a sad song wherein the couple separate because of mis-communication (the commonest of reasons).
There is also a particular scene in this song which is, in a way, sensual for me. Ranbir leaves Konkana and comes back home. As he empties his bag, he finds Konkana's favourite white (night) kurta. He looks at it fondly, removes his grey T-shirt, puts on her Kurta, gets up to look in the mirror and (metaphorically) enjoys and stays with the feeling of her on him..

Kya Karoon
And then this song... I'd like to call this song Lazy Lamhe song...
The slow beat.. Humming "tu ru tu tu ru..." Chilling out with friends, eating shopping, partying, late night drive... all this has a secure and comforting feeling.. This song reminds me that there are a few friends with whom its never ever "enough".. I also love the way Ranbir dances at the party is captured in slow motion.. being in the moment, without inhibitions.. something i have always wanted to do... and this song has been my Hello Tune for the last eight months.. so that's that..

Wake Up Sid
This song is "Carpe Diem" epitomized... It encourages one to be in the moment and do what YOU think is right... You decide what you want to do, since you are the traveller as well as you are the medium of travel (philosophically).. Dont let today also be like yesterday, why are you so lazy, do something, cry or laugh, but do fill your life some colour...
This song helped me quit doing what i didnt wanna do... ;)

Aaj Kal
In this song Ranbir starts working on photography which was his passion. He is also leaves his home, his comfort zone to work harder. The song goes something like,
"Nowadays life is telling me, listen to it and go on the path of your dreams, embrace all the fragrances and the light in your arms,
And the day and night is new, desires are youthful and the feelings are new
so many moments have surprised me, so many words have touched me"
I am in a similar phase of my life, where everything is new, fresh, out of all comfort zones and energizing .. This song how i'm feeling about the Spl Ed course at VS.

Everyone has such song lists for different emotions and phases of their lives.. So here's cheers for everyone's special sound of..

.. You're Smart!!!

2010-07-19T19:11:00.011+05:30

I had a small assessment of sorts today on Multiple Intelligence. It based on Howard Gardner's work around multiple intelligences and i came to understand what a wonderful combination of intelligences i have.
Now this should seem strange because i am considered to be a dumb person on most occasions, which has affected my self-esteem in the past.
Anyways, the results were super cool as far as i was concerned.

I have a strong Linguistic Intelligence.
Next comes Inter-personal intelligence.
And along with Intra-Personal Intelligence.
I also have a Naturalistic intelligence.

And so now on, i will not wonder why i get the want to attend story-telling workshops and go for tree-walks and love being a vegetarian. Coz thats what my mind tilts towards effortlessly. And when i am doing all these things, i am in harmony with myself.

Why-o-why dont we have this sort of assessment back in our schools/colleges?
Why do so many children have to struggle through their education without being taught in the manner which their own intelligence understands.
With the so out-of-sync education system, i, sorry we, suffer the brunt.

Most importantly, now that i know, what am i gonna do about it.
Thats all that should matter..

I would like everyone who comes across this blog to try and find yours and your child's intelligences. This will help immensely to learn as well as try teaching them using that intelligence.

I found a couple of online assessments, though cant validate for their authenticity.
However, this can be a start to get familiar with the concept.
What's your learning style
A basic assessment
Interactive Multiple Intelligence Test

Learn more about Multiple Intelligences, use it and to quote Howard Gardner "It's Not How Smart You Are, It's How...

...Bon Appetite !!!

2010-07-14T09:48:00.012+05:30

I am starting a new phase today or rather a shift in my life.
It is pretty important to me that i work this one out for myself.

But more i think of it, more i am getting nervous and doubtful about how i am going to get through this and handle myself.

And then i try to think of Julia Child.

She was so much larger than life (even literally, 6, 2'), of not just being passionate about her husband, eating and cooking, which came very late in life (point to note, common factor between her and me). It was not until her mid 30s that she decided to master the art of French cuisine. Despite many years of rejection, with her never-give-up attitude, she managed to publish her first cookbook. She later appeared in hew own TV series, at the age of 51.

I'm deeply enchanted by Meryl Streep's portrayal of Julia in the movie (Julie & Julia, decided to watch it once every year). I have also watched couple of Julia child's videos and found her being extremely passionate about living, being alive and in joy and unafraid and so many other things, which is inspirational, in a more than one way for me.

So here I am, going to achieve that level of perfection and do whatever it takes for this to work for me .
If for some reason, it doesn't... I will remember what Julia said,
"Perfection. And even if it isn't, never apologize. No excuses! No explanations"

So, with her confident persona in my mind, here's wishing myself...

Revamped version

2010-06-19T15:16:00.010+05:30

I started out with this blog in February 2006.

According to the stats, i seem to have blogged the most in 2007. An eventful year for my thought process, i guess.

Now i am (again) going through another phase.

And right on time, Blogger.com came out with some interesting designs.

So folks (that is, my few loyal readers), with this new look, I shall try to explore my nonsensical thoughts (for whats its worth) and slowly pour them out like i mentioned in my first blog.

This time around, i am not in search for a pattern in my blogs,(duh, coz i dont seem to have any)... I will blog just to seize those thoughts that i become aware of and of those ones that taunt me crazy.. and also of those umpteen ones that keep doing a peek-a-boo..

To give a hint of what one could (and should) expect me to write about, here are a couple of deep & thoughtful lines from The Walrus and The Carpenter by Lewis Carroll, an author for whom i have high regard when it comes to writing style (after Douglas Adams, though)..

"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

And if you still decide to hang on till my next insightful post, feel free to give me any suggestions (which, i should warn, might never see the light of the day) and also check out the blog's..

..delusions

2010-06-07T11:46:00.002+05:30

I wrote some ramblings in February this year.. somehow i neither completed it nor posted it. Since the blog captures how one feels/thinks at "a" particular time.. this was how i thought, back then..

Sipping my herbal tea, as the sun sets, my mind is so very distracted to have a single chain of thought.
How can optimists be worriers as well?
What if, things don’t work out?
And incase its meant to be like this way, all along, how will I cope?
How would my decision impact the lives of others?
Would I be able to close my eyes to their tribulations?
But then, how long will I be able to continue faking this divided life?
Being who I am not, where I shouldn’t be..
These are petty things you worry about, sometimes my mind & loved ones tell me..
There is more to life than these ..

(Good) Luck by chance..

2010-06-01T13:31:00.005+05:30

The arranged marriage in India starts in this manner. One family contacts another family after scanning the matrimony sites. After they talk, the prospective candidates may or may not speak to each other.

This post relates to an arranged marriage, it’s not about it, just related to it. And also, I would prefer to call it a semi-arranged marriage.

On a Diwali night, a guy and a girl spoke to each other for the first time. “Women fall in love with what they hear” became evidently true in this case. She liked his smooth & sexy voice. She answered his long list of queries (it seemed that all his life he had prepared for this session) and he even managed to make attempts to be funny. . After nearly half an hour, she asked him his email id and said they could keep in touch. She had no intentions of doing so coz she lost the paper on which she wrote the id (how predictable in her life).

The next day, however, she remembered him asking about her Orkut ID and searched for his name. There were three candidates with a common name, but she was looking for one with the unusual spelling. She slowly checked each one of them and finally thought had found his. She checked out his pic. Not bad she thought. She sent him an Orkut invite (she can’t remember what made her do that).

For men, of course, listening to the voice isn’t as good as seeing the woman. He mailed her the next day and told her that he accepted her invite, He was exploring her Orkut profile (snooping I would say, but that’s what she did too), he sifted through her blog which was linked in the profile and then chanced upon a picture, which took him to her Picasa’s public gallery. She felt kinda vulnerable knowing that she left so much about her on the public domain.

He actually enjoyed the whole exercise of first finding her blog and then the picture gallery. He said, “Did someone say chance discoveries are fun?” He told her that it actually happened outta chance. 'SERENDIPITY' is the word, which means “making fortunate discoveries by accident”. It is one of his favorite movies as well. She was surprised coz that was her favorite word as well, but she didn’t know there was a movie by that name. So the next mail, she asked him if had a copy of that movie, coz she had not watched it. He informed that he didn’t have old copy whose print was no good anymore.

Then they discussed about their other passions and interests. And that was that. Families met. Fast track wedding process was arranged.

The post isn’t about how they fell in love. It isn’t about how they got their respective parents convinced, in spite of certain differences. It isn’t how they got married in a month’s time. No.

This post is about the wedding night gift.

One day he called up and said that he was going around trying to get her a wedding night gift and couldn’t think of anything and asked her for suggestions. She laughed and asked him to get anything he thought she might like. This made her think that she had to get something for him as well. So she pondered and pondered and since she was good at getting gifts, she knew what she should get him.

The deadline was approaching and among other things to do, she was checking for the gift. Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t able to find it. Then she called on a dear friend for help and he through his methods of research found the gift and she felt elated. After ensuring that the gift would reach her on her wedding day, she causally asked he would be, “so did you get my wedding gift?” He replied negative, and said he wasn’t able to get what he had in mind, but will try till the last day. She was gleaming with happiness at the thought of how he would react to her gift.

Fast forward. The wedding over, the wedding night arrives. The bedroom lights switched off. Wait, sorry! Switching them on. In the hotel’s Maharaja Suite, she’s eager to get her gift. But alas, he tells he couldn’t find what he wanted to give her. She is all the more happy, at the thought of getting the better off him. She surprises him by telling she has a gift. She gives it to him gift wrapped. He opens the wrapper and before unraveling it completely, he gives a bewildered smile, doesn’t say a word, and hugs her long and tight. The lights are now switched off (for you folks).

The next morning, a new morning for them together, she wants to know what he thought of the gift. He eating his breakfast, said, nonchalantly, he was glad he didn’t find his gift for her because they wouldn’t want to have two copies of the same….

beginning...

2010-04-29T15:07:00.007+05:30

As i quit my job after four and a half years (delayed response, as usual, i guess) , a thoughtful colleague and friend sent me this message on my last day.

Found solace and comfort in reading this, as i am going to charter unknown territories. Funnily, i didnt know much about the previous territory either, but did fairly well, considering my choices.

The words "as our world changes.." is really symbolic at this stage in my life. Though i have not changed in the core, but my "needs" are changing as i am growing within..

Being able to cook a simple meal at home is much important than coming late and ordering yummy food..
Keeping the home clean and rearranging stuff is more important than the organizing the office desktop and files in sharedrive..
Trying to figure diligently what veggies are cheaper and seasonal at the moment and then buyin them makes more sense rather than picking whichever ones you like, coz you can afford to...
Waiting for him and being at home when he arrives rather than walking into the house when he is cooking, feels less guilty and more in control ;)..
Being able to go for a walk in the morning/evening in the park is exhilarating than complaining and giving absurd reasons all the time (ALL THE TIME)...
And the most important.. being able to listen to him "talk" rather than me cribbing gives positive and happy vibes...

I am aware of the fact that its not just a matter of courage to let go of jobs (one doesnt fit into) ... No... Absolutely not...not everyone gets the liberty and freedom to do so... I know so many near & dear ones who just cant afford to quit... (like i couldnt until now)
So, in all humblessness, i would like to thank the grace of angels blessing me (when they did)..

I am not quite sure what i am going to do with this opportunity.. Nevertheless, i know that i will wander but try not to get lost and delusioned...

And (at the risk of sounding too religious) i would like to remember these insightful words of the philosopher Epictetus : "There is only one thing for which God has sent me into the world, and that is to develop every kind of virtue or strength, and there is nothing in all the world that i cannot use for this purpose.” , and begin my...

Thoughts

2010-04-16T10:18:00.003+05:30

I am realizing "Familiarity breeds contempt", and figuring out how i could handle this contempt...

back to the start...

2010-03-30T21:54:00.002+05:30

Jesse: Oh, God, why didn't we exchange phone numbers and stuff? Why didn't we do that?
Celine: Because we were young and stupid.
Jesse: Do you think we still are?
Celine: I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.
Jesse: And you can screw it up, you know, misconnect.

(“Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset”, have been the oil to my rusted blogging thoughts, so there will be a lot of reference from these movies)

A few days back, my mom and I went to meet our old neighbor, who was shifting from here for good. She was not in great spirits about moving to the new city, where she had a lot of relatives (for obvious reasons). We met, talked about good old times.

When we were neighbours, aunty would just drop by at our home and vice versa and chit chat randomly until either of them would realize that it was time that they did some house chores. She also started telling tales of how she felt at home here with all her friends and she was quiet sure she was not going to find good friends in the other city. She kept reminiscing and was feeling down. So I told her that for the kind of warm hearted person she is , she is bound to make new friends in a matter of time. To that she retorted me and said, “ No child, there is a time in our lives when we can make good friends. As you grow older, the possibilities of good freinds is pretty limited.” At that time, I didn’t agree with her perspective, however, as I pondered over it , I realized, it did seem the case.

During younger days, it was easier for me to make friends and sustain the relationships for a couple of years. As years passed by, my capacity to retain them is very less. Whether it was neighbours, classmates, college friends, colleagues, partner’s friends, as I would meet them, they would be the world for me at point of time. As that phase would get over, I would move on to meet the next set of people. I notice that as the years pass by, “the retention of the friends” have dwindled drastically. I still am in touch with my school friends (four or five of them). If I meet any college mates by chance, a Hi or Hello was all we had to say and then a “chalo, meet you sometime later” and walk our ways. And colleagues, were those who need not even be recognized since the interactions at work itself were more than enough.

And while watching this scene in “Before Sunset” and seeing Celine mull over the fact that we THINK there will be many people with whom we connect. Alas, that is not the case in her life and neither in mine.

There are friends and sweethearts, undoubtedly. Very few days go by when I don’t think of them and thank my Gods for having met them when I did, coz I would have gone pretty indifferent otherwise. I guess having made such strong connections, there seemed no need to connect with a lot others, in the fear of misconnect.

Though I know, life has not reached that point of stagnation where I need to connect with new people. However, my inability to go beyond my comfort zone of friends and loved ones is what I am contemplating about. In “The Monk who sold his Ferrari”, I read that “the best thing you can do for yourself is regularly move beyond it. “

And right now, I am in the phase where I want to do everything that’s best for me.

Increasing the friends on Facebook, followers on Twitter etc is not the idea, undoubtedly. Increasing the quality of every person I meet and to take honest efforts to sustain the relationship will be… oh, this seems serious work..

Nah, I guess, all I gotta do is become the little girl who was a people persons, who loves people and a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves. It’s just a matter of going…

Aall eez well !!!

2010-03-06T18:22:00.000+05:30

Boman Irani takes a 7 1/2 minute afternoon power nap and a shave simultaneously while tuning into Opera music in the movie "Three Idiots" .. This time spent rejuvenated him for managing his entire day.

So the other day, when my eyes were burning i tried doing something similar and it worked.

Like our Zoozoo in one of the vodafone ads, i placed two icy cucumber slices on my tired eyes and listened to my favourite track by Yann Tiersen from Amelie - Comptine d'un autre été : L'après-midi

The coolness of the cucumber on my burning sore eyes.. the awesome piano keys notes of the Yann Tiersen's track had an uplifting feeling.. and those moments suddenly stood still..

After a long time, experienced Carpe Diem...

And what i enjoyed the most was the fact that all it took was -
a couple of vegetable slices, a piece composed by a French musician and spending a few minutes "being in the moment"...

hmmm... and then...

2010-02-20T00:49:00.003+05:30

WHAT DO I WANT???

nothing else...

2010-01-04T10:13:00.004+05:30

Over the past one year... Life has been very inward... i never ever spent time so much time within myself .. Blessings were disguised (as usual).. However, i reliased how very little i know abt myself.. And the most painful revelation at the end of it all was.. how difficult "Carpe Diem" is... trying to practise it... how significant it is to "me" for my well being of mind and body..

This year...is going to be a lot more fun... its going be "me" against "me".. One point agenda.. "Understand thyself , know thyself"... learning, unlearning...

And i am ready to take up this challenge that i have thrown to myself....

Not bothered about the time it takes...not afraid to begin the process... not worried if i dont turn out right (what's right, anyways).. I am going to allow myself to use this body and mind to change into different beings... and am in no hurry to be one single character.. coz even if i dont like who i have become..i will just crumble myself like i am doing now and rebuild myself.. over and over again... untill i "am"..

After all, THIS life has always been about..

How the tortoise got its shell!!!

2009-12-06T21:35:00.013+05:30

We had to choose an animal and write a story about the how they got one of their physical attributes.

I chose Tortoise (which apparently is different from a "turtle" in certain characteristics).. and wrote a story about how it got its shell!!!

I enjoyed researching about tortoises and all the mythologies attached to it. I have a new found appreciation for them and they are like MY favourite animal..

So here it goes..

In the beginning, on an island named Galápagos Island, which means “the Land of the tortoises”, there lived a giant tortoise name Akupara. In those days, tortoises didn’t have a shell and they could move around quickly with ease.

However, Akupara, was a very, very, very, lazy tortoise. He was also considered a very wise Tortoise. Whenever any animal was having a dispute on the island, they would approach Akupara for a solution. The advice given by Akupara would be apt for the situation and all the creatures would walk away be satisfied.

But there was one problem. Inspite of all his knowledge, Akupara was not keen to help any of the animals.

For e.g.: One day when Akupara was having a nice warm bath, the mouse came running to him. The mouse squeaked and said “Hey Akupara, the lion, who once had let me go, got entangled in a net of a hunter. I don’t know how to save him and even if I do, he might eat me. Akupara annoyingly replied, “Why don’t you just bite the net and run away?” The mouse thought that was a good idea, did what Akupara suggested and became famous for its bravery.

On another occasion, Akupara was having a nice breakfast of green leafy vegetables. When a fox came running and said “Akupara, For a long time, I have been trying to jump and reach a bunch of grapes and how much I try to jump, I am not able to reach them." Akupara who didn’t like to be disturbed, got irritated and replied “Well, foxy, maybe, the grapes could have been sour”. The fox kept quiet, thought for a moment, smiled and said, “Yes, the grapes were sour” and happily walked away in satisfaction announcing the same to every creature on the island.

Now Akupara, felt that all the animals were taking it for granted. While all the animals were used to asking Akupara for help, it would try to avoid them all. One day Akupara got fed up. And thought, enough, is enough. Just because I’m smart doesn’t give all the animals the right to make use of my intelligence whenever they want. So, in a fury of rage, Akupara wanted to go somewhere, where no creatures would bother it.

It looked around on the island and didn’t know where it could hide since the island was filled with animals everywhere. Then it turned to the ocean, and decided to go into the ocean. It dived into the bright blue ocean. It swam deep and deep, until it reached the bottom of the ocean. By then, Akupara was tired and it lied on the mud floor of the ocean and in a few minutes, it dozed off. It slept for days and nights together inside the ocean.

Then suddenly, one day, Akupara felt the sun rays glaring on its face. It slowly opened its eyes and noticed that it was floating in the middle of the vast blue ocean. It also felt something different under its body. It had to reach the island. So floating away, Akupara finally managed to land on the Galapagos Island. It started to walk and shrug off whatever the heavy thing was on its back. How much ever Akupara shrugged, the thing would not budge.

Apparently, when Akupara was lying lazily on the bottom of the ocean, the mud and the water had mixed and formed a layer on its back. When Akupara was floating the layer it hardened more and took the form of a huge domed shaped shell.

Akupara tried to topple upside down and break the shell, but the shell got cracks all over it and nothing else happened. It had completely fused into Akupara's back. Akupara not only got stuck with the shell on its back, it also had to be very patient since it could not move around asquickly as it used to. It could make only slow movements because of the weight of its new shell.

Akupara noticed that all the animals coming towards it and thought that they were angry with it for having avoided them so long, but to its surprise, all the animals were very concerned about it and were sorry that they disturbed it all the time.

Akupara learned a valuable lesson on that day, that having intelligence wasn’t enough, if it couldn’t use it was effectively, for helping itself and other creatures.

Since then, Akupara would always listen calmly to all the animals and give valuable advice with the huge shell on its back.

How the frown became laughter!!!

2009-12-05T19:31:00.001+05:30

During the storytelling workshop, Group Story had to be made with the words,

Pencil
Cow and;
Laughter

This is what I came up with.
Pencil, Cow and a Frown

Long ago, so long ago, actually some years back, there was a special school named Jungleeeee. Most of the creatures used to go to Junglee school in order to learn and improve their life and survival skills. The principal of Junglee was a white old cow called MOOoooo. Everyone liked to attend MOO’s classes because she used to teach with lots of interesting stories. This helped all the animals to remember concepts as well as enjoy learning at the Jungleeeee school.

Now, since MOO was very old, she could not read aloud and teach. She had a large white board and a special thin and black pencil named PICHKU. Pichku used to write down everything old MOO softly said to him, on the large board. And then, all the animals used to read from the board and learn everything by themselves.

Everyone was happy until came along a big huge FROWN. Now, Frown was very different from all other creatures. It neither mingled with other animals nor spoke to them. And whenever any animal spoke to Frown, Frown would Frown. This made the other animals feel reluctant to not talk to Frown again. Frown was not attentive in class either. It would not study most of what was taught in the Junglee school. So Frown, would always be scolded by Moo, the cow. This would make Frown, frown more.

Pichku, the pencil, used to watch this and felt sad for Frown. However, he did know why FROWN couldn’t cope in the class and why it was always lonely. One day, Picku decided to talk to Frown and find out the reason.

Pichku thought it would be better to tell a joke to break the ice with Frown.

So Picku looked at Frown and said, "Did you hear the joke about the pencil?"
Frown turned and looked at Pichku and of course, frowned. But then it was curious, so Frown said "No, what’s the joke."Pichku replied "Well, It's pointless.”

Frown got the joke and turned into a smile.
When Pichku noticed that Frown smiled, it got excited.

So then Pichku asked
Now tell me, What do you call a grumpy old cow?
Frown thought for a while, then gave up and frowned and asked “What’s the answer?”
Pichku replied “Moo-dy” (MOOoooo-dy)

Frown turned into a big wide smile.

Pichku now thought, since Frown is smiling it was a good time to ask him.
So Pichku took the courage and asked Frown, “Hey Frown, why don’t you read and study in Moo Cow’s class?”

Frown ‘bent’ its smile and frowned.
It hesitated for a minute and then replied “Well, Pichku, I don’t study because. Because.. I, I am not able to read what you write on the large board. I can’t read, and since I can’t read, I can’t study them”

Picku listened and was silent. It felt said for Frown and didn’t know how to help it.

Pichku went back to Junglee school and thought it would tell Moo about this episode and get some help.

However, Moo, the cow, didn’t feel sad for Frown, and instead she was angry.
She said, “If Frown doesn’t know to read, maybe he should leave Junglee school and go to some other school to learn where they teach creatures with such problems. We don’t keep such weak creatures in Junglee school.”

Pichku felt very bad and didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, it thought of something and suggested that to Moo. Moo at first, didn’t agree. But after continuous persistence by Pichku, Moo agreed.

So in the next day, at Junglee school, when all the creature gathered to learn, Pichku went and took his position near the board and looked at Frown, who sat in a corner, frowning.

As the class started, Moo, her usual self, softly spoke to Pichku.

Pichku wrote whatever Moo told it and to everyone’s surprise, started reading aloud everything it wrote.

Suddenly, Frown became attentive and began listening in the class. As it kept listening, Frown began to understand what was being taught in the class since Pichku explained everything. Frown slowly started to change into a smile.

Smile listened attentively and began to study properly since it understood everything what was being taught. Smile even started doing better than other creatures in the life and survival skills at Jungleeeee.

As time went by, with more confidence in itself, smile turned into laughter.

Laughter would go around telling the jokes and make Pichku write them on the board to delight all the other creatures and even old Moo enjoyed being with laughter.

Now that’s the story of the Pencil, Cow and Frown who became laughter.

So, whenever you see a cow chewing its mouth, remember that it could actually be softly speaking to a pencil, to turn the frown into laughter.

Once upon a time...

2009-12-05T19:05:00.007+05:30

I successfully managed to complete a workshop with Kathalaya in "The first steps of Story-Telling".

The workshop was a worthwhile journey and gave me the confidence in my ability to weave facts along with stories and present them in a interesting manner.

I also became aware of my weakness as a listener and that i hadnt made the best use of my imagination to the extent that i should have.

Now, i would like to move "forward" and maybe "backward" to read all the folktales and fables i had loved reading in my childhood.

So all i can say, now is...

Genesis...

2009-11-09T10:02:00.013+05:30

Being a Virgo, whose element is earth, I was fortunate in this lifetime to try a hand at a little pottery.

Would love to create more passion within to convert pottery into a ardent hobby.

Me looking at the blob of mud and clay..

The wheel (machine rotates)and we start creating a form and shape..

There is certain amount of patience and deftness needed to create a pot. I didnt possess the required amount of that, so the pot got disfigured, crushed and became a blob again.. (Potter scolds G, but then we have a laugh..)

We try again to make the pot, i practise more patience this time around....

THE potter uses a thread to cut through the bottom of pot inorder to separate it from the rest of the clay and he allows me to lift it. Ecstasy!!!

There she was...

The lil' pink ball...

2009-11-02T02:00:00.002+05:30

And today she was born….wishing her joy and peace within..
Hoping she brings loads of love to share with everyone she meets…. like her mom and dad…

Holding his ground...

2009-10-02T22:26:00.001+05:30

Visted Dakshinchitra on his birthday..
Couldnt get enough of the place.. will visit again...

P.S. ...

2009-08-10T16:09:00.001+05:30

How do i love thee? Let me count the ways

Dear Ab,
This would be one of the first (official) love letters to you coz (you see) i didnt have much time to send you any before our wedding. Since it's been one and half years, i thought i better acknowledge that you are one of the nicest guys i have ever met.
I cant love you enough coz you always seem to deserve so much more ; Your overpowering charm, disciplined lifestyle, cheerful attitude, diplomatic approach, decent sense of humour, you rocking style of cooking, your laughter, your consistent display of affection, are all too endearing. And like Gerry says to Holly - "Every morning i still wake up and the first thing i want to do is see your face"...
Thank you for taking care of me after the recent operation and for being there, It meant a lot to me..
I am specifically impressed by your tolerance levels with me. You continue (and desperately hope, you would continue) to adore me, despite my silly antics, indefinite laziness, impulsive reactions, weird mood swings, rebelness without any cause. I didnt think i would adjust and settle down so easily, but you made every effort of mine, worthwhile. Ab meri samajh mein aa gaya, ki ghoom loon chahe sab duniya, tumse premi na milega mujko kahin...
Your love for simple pleasures of this life helps me to temper down my want for the complexities of the unknown (whatever that means)
I feel blessed for the serendipity of you having found me and am glad that YOU are a part of ME...
And like we both know... "Picture thi Abi baki hai meri jaan... " Hope that we continue to give loads of happiness and understanding to each other, in the time to come..

Warm Hugs and kisses,
Bawari Aapki

Baware se is jahan mein, bawara ek saath ho
Is sayaani bheed mein, bas haaton mein TERA haath ho...

(In this crazy world, need one crazy companion
In this wise world/crowd, just need your hand in mine..)

P.S...

Oh, P.S Belated Birthday wishes...

A thousand words...

2009-06-28T18:08:00.006+05:30

It was about time... So i've started... Yesterday was Varnish and Pink paint day... Knowing my (procastinating) self... i am posting the pics as i progress.. (which would be at a snail's pace)...

Own...

2009-05-30T10:20:00.009+05:30

Heard of Mckay Hatch??? Well, i just did.. He started an organisation to abstain from using profainty in public.

A true story of standing up for what you believe in, no matter the cost. In spite of the thousands of e-mails from kids and adults around the world full of riddicule, abusive profanity, and even death threats, McKay Hatch (now 15 years old) continues to lead a worldwide movement that all started from a simple desire to have his friends stop using profanity.
http://www.nocussing.com/aboutncc.html

I always had an inclination to promote non profanity in public.. but never ever had the guts, coz i would anyday be outnumbered by folks who thought otherwise..
Me is very glad and excited to read about the geniune persistence of Mckay..

And Now i am the official member of his " No Cussing Club".

Coz like Phoebe (Friends) says "Oh no, don't hate. You don't want to put that out into the universe." , hope me and others choose their thoughts and words with much more care..

Nevertheless, "Suum cuique" and this my....

mirror....

2009-05-06T23:40:00.013+05:30

Clara "Mac" McMillen (in the movie, Kinsey) said
"I hate to think of myself as conventional."

And April Wheeler (in Revolutionary Road) said

I wanted IN. I just wanted us to live again. For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid. To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made. Frank knows what he wants, he found his place, he's just fine. Married, two kids, it should be enough. It is for him. And he's right; we were never special or destined for anything at all.

Learning of the day:
To not hate "myself" for being conventional, normal...

Coz if i do, then i will struggle with myself, like April did.. Watching her felt like, if i were to be Alice through the looking glass and if i had stepped into April's shoes, then there wouldnt be a single situation, not even the teeny weeniest of them, in which i would not have reacted like she did.. God save me, but it did feel like looking into a ...

More.. Money.. Weight.. All...Simplicity

2009-04-23T00:10:00.003+05:30

Learn..

Save....

Lose...

Love..

Seek..

"Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard..."

Mere angane mein / In my garden

2009-04-15T11:08:00.003+05:30

In our balcony... Moi first rose.... :)

Ah.. the simple pleasures of life.... Hope not forget to water it .. ;)

Also, sending out a lil prayer , asking the fragrance and colour of my rose to blossom in your lives as well...

Note to myself : Strike off "plant a plant" from my "things to do in this lifetime" list...

..a way

2009-04-01T23:47:00.012+05:30

I received a news i have been wanting to listen for some time.. and had recently given up hope.... However, the verdict was in my favour.. i should "ideally" have been elated... Yipeeee... Hi fives.. Way to go.. However, i felt like, Phew.. alright... i am thankFULL... and now what???
Keep climbing this path , my mind told me... you need to carry as much as you can now... you can rest later...
However, the soul needs something else... many other things.. but not here... not this... i cant walk for long on this path without feeding my needs... another road also doesn’t seem visible...
Can Carpe Diem be clouding the other options... Am I being consumed by the vice called “INDIFFERENCE”

Elie Wiesel states the following in his speech “The Perils of Indifference”
“What is indifference? Etymologically, the word means "no difference." A strange and unnatural state in which the lines blur between light and darkness, dusk and dawn, crime and punishment, cruelty and compassion, good and evil. Can one possibly view indifference as a virtue? Is it necessary at times to practice it simply to keep one's sanity, live normally, enjoy a fine meal and a glass of wine, as the world around us experiences harrowing upheavals?
Of course, indifference can be tempting -- more than that, seductive. It is so much easier to look away from victims. It is so much easier to avoid such rude interruptions to our work, our dreams, our hopes. It is, after all, awkward, troublesome, to be involved in another person's pain and despair. Yet, for the person who is indifferent, his or her neighbor are of no consequence. And, therefore, their lives are meaningless. Their hidden or even visible anguish is of no interest. Indifference reduces the Other to an abstraction. “

Our circumstances, most of the times, provoke us to react in a manner we think best for our ”own” survival. And then the chain of events force us to live with our choices.. When things turn up different (better or worse) than our expectations, we blame not ourselves, but the situations we are engulfed within..

Enjoying each day as it comes seems to actually have its perils… I have got indifferent to the paths which open up at every nook and corner… Maybe that is why I am not even considering the possibility that something I need, might be already available on the path that I have chosen…. or instead of looking around for it, am I too busy with other things such as climbing.. ..

INDIFFERENCE will find an excuse. Love will find ....

...matter of time"

2009-03-24T00:38:00.010+05:30

I always loved the idea of cooking for dear ones.. However, i didnt know to cook anything (blame it on plain laziness).. This was till i got hooked..to him.. He taught me everything i know abt cooking today (and continues to teach me)...
If all you do is cook, after a long day at work, then it does get on your nerves , many a times (and this happens quite often to folks of my generation).

Despite all this, the aroma while cooking, the way the colour of all the ingredients blend and in the end, the burp , sorry, i meant the satistisfaction of eating a simple good meal... is a nice feeling.

We managed to prepare dinner my family in December... and a dear friend's family in January at our home. Though most of the preparation was done by "we know who", I played an important part of being the dutiful assistant and helping in the strategic planning it... See for yourself.. ;)

For Family

For the dear friend's family...

Though i have to learn a lot about the art of cooking... Hope to be a pro someday... and cater to loved ones and those who need it..

Now all i need to do is... remember the encouraging words of my dear friend who always tells me... "It's just a...

to me...

2009-03-19T22:58:00.005+05:30

I started to blog to understand the pattern of thoughts my mind develops... However, as i started blogging, thoughts kept pouring out with no connection whatsoever.. Though they never seemed to form any specific pattern, i realised how much i enjoy writing and associating and connecting whatever came to my mind..
In order to reduce negative thoughts, I read that we should try and put whatever thought comes into our mind down on to a notebook. This process gradually allows us to identify the negative thoughts and remove the chaff (read as negative) from the grain (positive). But to a distracted mind as mine, with a even lessor attention span.. to write down my wandering thoughts is a huge task.. So if i wanna put my thoughts down.. this is how it would appear now..

Yoga ... Badly missing morning snuggles... Keeping home neat and tidy... Losing weight... To read a new book... Work anxiety ... Learning to type faster without looking at the keyboard.. Vaginismus & Porn.. Gotta go for morning walk.. Been a long time since i kissed his cheeks.. Salads... Time value of money (CFA level 1)... Sedentry lifestyle.. Trying hard to control the inner brat.... please come back..

a toss......

2009-03-12T23:15:00.007+05:30

I read a definition of Motivation which went like this

Motivation = Wants * Beliefs * Rewards

If you know what you want , and beleive that you will receive it by working for it, then the thought of the reward makes you motivated to work towards it...

In the present scenario, when the wants keep multiplying exponentially, beliefs keep changing by the minute and rewards dont seem forthcoming.. Motivation seems to go for..

..the itch

2009-02-12T18:32:00.012+05:30

The previous blog of mine was an attempt to read about something I wanted to learn…to understand and write...
However, guess it was not meant to be…
So instead i decided to write about something have come to understand know.... about why i got that itch in my head..

This might be supposedly my most inconsequential blog, however the truth of the universe will be revealed as I let my thoughts flow.
Disclaimer: This entire blog is a entire work of fiction (except for the itch) and inspired by a certain pattern followed in a couple of scenes in the movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”

It happened one night, when I was reading a book, which was a pager turner.... and suddenly i felt the urge to itch my head.... so i itched...

And then suddenly. really suddenly, my mind started thinking, about why did it occur... Like its said, if everything happens for reason and if its fate, what would be the purpose in making me get that itch in my head at that particular moment in my life.
I mean, there can’t be an itch without a reason

So why did I get that itch?

Hmm… We’ll come to that in a while…. Coz the series of incidents which unfolded later on, let me an insight on how each event or supposedly insignificant occurrence, sets off another sequence of happenings. .

The next day evening I had one of the loveliest dinners I have had with my loved one. .
The dinner was unexpected and was arranged since we were trying to make up with each other for the tussel which happened between us in the morning..
The tussel occurred because I didn’t go along with him for the morning walk and we ended up having a bad mood as we left for work..
I didn’t go to the morning walk because I felt too sleepy in the morning to wake up on time.
I didn’t sleep well coz I didn’t finish the part of the book I was reading and was led to stay awake for more than the time I intended to.
I was delayed in reading the book coz I was busy itching my head....

So if the itch didn’t happen,

I would have slept on time,
gone for a nice morning walk with my loved one and
had a nice day sans the fight..
and of course without the make up and delightful dinner session...

And there, sitting on the dining table having a wonderful meal, I realised why I got….

Reflective Equilibrium

2009-01-01T23:55:00.003+05:30

Work in Progress

...backwards??

2008-12-23T14:33:00.008+05:30

We sometimes reach a level of satisfaction and contentment about the way we are moving ahead in life..
But then suddenly we start moving backwards… and don’t know how to turn back (or is it front)….

So are we growing...

Any answers???

2008-12-06T19:54:00.000+05:30

need...

2008-07-21T15:59:00.003+05:30

How much ever liberal (and all its synonyms) I think I am… I realize that my inhibitions are not letting me go beyond what I can… No one can help me to go through this, except myself.. and the understanding of this responsibility to discipline myself gives me more fears than ever…

When I used to be scared of something, and went to him for counsel.. he would ask,

“is it a want or is it a need to do this thing… if it’s a want, you can do without it, and
if it’s a need, you will do it anyways.. so whats the fear… "
Now all I have to make myself understand is, it’s a…

Been a long time….

2008-07-14T15:37:00.008+05:30

"Its been a long time" , they say..
You never bother to call..
When will you be free, its been six months now …
Do you remember the last time we met/spoke..
You don’t seem to have time for us anymore?
What do you all day long?

Me says,
Phone calls are one of the last things I enjoy… and unfortunately enough, that hasn’t changed …
It hasn’t been JUST six months; it’s been four months of shuttling between three cities and two months of settling into a new home.
No, I don’t remember the last time we spoke or met, but whenever it was, hope the attention given was not any lesser than before..
Alas, I had a lot of free time before to accommodate more than what I had to do for everyone around..

What do I do all day?
Nothing much, I just wile away time ,
Screaming and scaring at a rat that was simply sniffing at my window and provoking it with a broom to jump right into my cooking vessels
Getting repaired stuff which were working fine and would suddenly konk off for no obvious reasons such as Scooter, Washing machine (whose wires I came learn later were chewed by THE rat) and right now its, the internet connection at mom’s place.
Buying groceries, which get depleted at different times and you can find me every other day at the nearby supermarket.
Keeping in mind the dates when payment has to be made for maintenance, milk man, domestic help, newspaper, electricity, rent, mobile connection, cable TV…
Trying to lose the SEVEN odd kilos I added to myself due to which I don’t fit into most of my clothes anymore
Holding on to a one month “off sweets” diet (please note : this does not include cakes and ice creams)

I haven’t included time spent on cooking, keeping in touch with parents and in laws, going to church, having jam packed work at office, trying to ensure that I am not exhausted since my dizziness resumed after I stopped my medication, and helping my husband to go about places in this city which is not friendly to non-native language speakers.

If you think someone/thing infuriated me off to rattle all this …Nothing of that sort, I am fine, Thank you..

Its just that I am tired….not of my roller coaster life.… but of being questioned about my “un”social skills…

They say “Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you”

Well, it’s been a long time, since I met a friend……

Guru devo...

2008-07-08T18:12:00.005+05:30

manzilein...!!!

2008-06-09T16:28:00.003+05:30

It’s been five years of work experience, of unforgettable friendships, of money painfully earned and unthinkingly spent, of enjoying serendipities and overcoming harsh realties, of seeking solitude and finding companionship…

The number seems insignificant today.. kyonki mujhko pehchaanti hai kahan... (when have milestones recognised me..)

Doorie...

2008-05-27T17:42:00.005+05:30

What do you do when you start losing touch with your loved ones and they stop corresponding to you considering the fact that your are busy.

Well, the pragmatic answer would be , you should call them up and inform them how much you miss being in touch with them.

Instead what do I do?

I subscribe to a couple of mobile alerts (spiritual, news headlines, thought of the day, movie updates etc…) and bask myself in the joy of receiving a message and staying connected to the world.

Well.. instead of staying connected I guess I am just creating more than six degrees of …

Meddler on the roof !!!

2008-04-30T17:55:00.007+05:30

Wikipedia states “Advice is a form of relating personal opinions, belief systems, personal values and recommendations about certain situations relayed in some context to another person, group or party often offered as a guide to action and/or conduct. Advice is believed to be theoretical, and is often considered taboo as well as helpful.
Many people consider unrequested advise to be paternalistic and patronizing and are thus offended. Like the sequence of events which unfolds in FRIENDS sitcom -

David: (to Chandler) Well, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, uh?
Chandler: I wouldn't read too much into it.
David: Still you know, a girl calls you by your ex-boyfriend's name, that-that's not a good thing, right?
Chandler: David, let me stop you there 'cause I think I see where this is going. I'm not very good at giving advice. So if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica, or ... Joey, if the thing you wanna advice about is pizza toppings or burning sensation when you pee.
David: Sorry, I just ... I wish there was something I could do, you know? Well, you know Phoebe ...
Chandler: Seriously, we're gonna do this?
David: I'm sorry, uh ... I just wish I could make her forget about Mike already, you know ... Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big. (he notices that David is not amused) Oh, I'm sorry, that's the kind of thing I do. (pause) They broke up because Mike didn't want to get married. Hey, what if you just let Phoebe know you'd be open to marriage?
David: That's great! That's great! I-I'll propose to her!
Chandler: What?
David: Well, I was probably going to do it at some point.
Chandler: I didn't mean now ...
David: Why not? It's brilliant! (talking to an imaginary Mike) Goodbye Mike, we'll see you at the wedding, fella! (pause) well, we probably won't invite you to the wedding ... (to Chandler) Thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.
Chandler: Well, you're welcome! Glad I could help.
David: (after a while) How do you think I should propose?
Chandler: David, I'm pretending to read here!!

Monica: Wow! That Mike thing was interesting! I don't know what's gonna happen with Phoebe and David.
Chandler: (smiling cheekily) I do! Want a hint? huh? "I do" (Monica looks confused, so Chandler repeats) "I do".
Monica: Ok, I'm sensing that this is some kind of word play, because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
Chandler: David is going to propose to Phoebe.
Monica: What? (looks very shocked) Why?
Chandler: Be-cause, we were talking about ways that he could beat Mike and I told him that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Now couldn't you just have made some sort of inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did ! A penis one! Look, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
Monica: They've only been going out for a few weeks and Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike! She'll say "No", David's heart will be broken, it will be too hard for them to recover from and then Phoebe will end up alone again .
Chandler: Man, that's some bad advice!

Mike: Hello?
Monica: Ok, Mike, enough is enough, now you love Phoebe and she loves you, so you need to get over your whole "I never want to get married"
thing and step up!
Mike: Who is this?
Monica: This is Monica! I'm Phoebe's friend. Listen, Phoebe is back with David and he's going to propose to her, and she is going to say "yes" but I
know she really wants to be with you!
Mike: (sounds shocked and sits down) He ... he's gonna propose?
Monica: I ... I'm sorry, did you say something? I can't hear through all this damned hair! (Tries to move her huge hair away from the phone, in
vain)
Mike: Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should, I'm not gonna stand in the way of that and neither should you.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do! I tell you what to do! Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados. And while I've got you, you've
got curly hair. What do you do in humidity? (Mike hangs up the phone) Damnit!
(Chandler walks in)

Monica: (sarcastically) Well, I hope you're happy!
Chandler: (pretending not to sense the tone) Oooh! I hope you're happy too, honey!
Monica: Phoebe is going to say "Yes" to David. See, that's what happens when you meddle in people's lives!
Chandler: Phoebe is going to say "yes"? That's, that's great!
Monica: No it's not, b'cause she's still in love with Mike!
Chandler: And there's not chance that will work?
Monica: No, I called him. It's not gonna happen.
Chandler: (pointing at her) Oooooooh! Meddler! Meddler!
Monica: Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with, I wouldn't have had to go in there and meddle myself. Now, no matter how much we meddle, we will never be able to un-meddle the thing that you meddled up—in the first place!

So now what does someone who is considered an agony aunt do, when they realize that they aren’t good at giving advice?

Guess its better to refrain from giving unsolicited advice and let the other person know, so that they can take a more informed decision rather than misinterpreting your noble intentions..

Like Chandler who says : I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

It aint the same thing....

2008-03-18T18:53:00.011+05:30

`Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she added aloud.

Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the March Hare.

`Exactly so,' said Alice.

`Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.

`I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know.'

`Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. `You might just as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat what I see"!'

`You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'

`You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'

`It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much

I said what i meant
but i didnt mean what i said..
And alas, (deep sigh) it aint the same thing....

Kya khayaal hai aapka...

2008-03-13T19:58:00.003+05:30

She wanted answers to these complexities of life..
And i replied...

What is love?

Love is a verb

How is the way you love your partner or the person who cannot be your partner but you wish he/she would be different from the way you love your parents and siblings?

You can break a lot of boundaries with you partner and friends, which lets you be more of your real you, whereas with family there is certain consciousness involved of not hurting their sentiments and standards of value system... Family is always there to depend on (in most of the cases) since they consider you as their priority, friends might have other priorities... Stuff like this makes the wavelengths with one’s family different when compared to your partner/ other persons you love …

Does love have anything to do with admiration, respect, trust, concern etc?

I believe so... I have always fallen in love with someone whom I admire... whom I respect and whom I can trust... and when I have lost the admiration and trust... I have found it easier to detach myself from my need to be in love with them… But then one can also be in love with someone whom they don’t seek all these qualities… coz heart has reasons, reasons can’t understand….

What is the difference between longing to be with someone and love?

Longing to be with someone is a result of love… in the sense, the quality of time spent with that particular person, keeps you in love with them and also makes you long for more of such moments….

What is marriage?

Something created to add legality to union of two souls. If one hopes and believes that their love with the other person is going to be everlasting, why not sign a dotted line to state the same... I think marriage is that and a lot more...

How do two people who are arranged to marry suddenly fall in love?

When you know that you can fall in love with a designated person... You try to find ways and means to find what connects both of you… and when things surprisingly click in your favour... you can’t help but fall head over heels in love…

What is love at first sight?

That sudden rush of all stuff inside you... which gets you excited… and even when you get up in the morning the next day... the hangover remains and you cant stop thinking of the first look you noticed on that person’s face..

Can you fall in love with a friend who you always had platonic feelings towards?

Yes... I think it is very common ….. Platonic is the absence of physical desire… When you start having receiving and giving everything else except that... It is quite usual to wanna explore love in all the forms with the friend since you are very comfortable with that person in all other aspects… And then there is always the choice of trying to refrain from falling in love with them for many other reasons as well...

Would you still love your partner if he were to change completely to become the person you would hate?

Depends on what made him change to become the person whom I would hate... I will always try and be there when he/she needs me... coz I believe hate begets hate and love begets love…

But you would still love your kids despite that kind of a change right?

Undoubtedly, I would love my kids however they turn out to be… coz they would have given me immense joy and the feeling somehow lingers on… in spite of everything…

hmmm...kya khayaal hai aapka...

...listlessness

2008-03-10T19:40:00.002+05:30

The word "confession" has become a mockery of sorts, that’s how I see it today… Atleast Hugh Prather would agree with me.. . He said in his book, “Notes to myself” that by confessing we are only shifting the burden to someone else and getting them entangled in our own complications..

I am just feeling more aware about the confessions I make and listen to.. I am doing “nothing” coz there seems no remorse in all of them.. there is only the “information” being given to the other person that “Listen, this is how I am. This is what I have done… stay with me if you want to.. or make your choice to leave..”

Confession means to admit one's guilt. So I admit my guilt(s) and sit back and throw the ball in the other persons court… Now the other the other person has to make a choice.. coz I have told them the bitter truth…. and if its unconditional love they wanna give.. then they WILL choose to accept as I am…. Voila!!!

Here I don’t struggle to change myself… I just make the other person accept me with my faults… Also I suppose i don’t consider “my faults” as a crime , its just that since the other person has different standards of values. I confess to and let them know that I wouldn’t wanna walk their way.. let me be..

Or I just am like all the rebels without a cause….. I wanna be “me..”

Not all confessions are without remorse…. But if i truly feel remorseful.. wouldn’t I stop doing it or would I continue making hopeless confessions…

I listen to them quite often … mine and theirs…

And I have begun to get the eerie feeling that it’s the same everywhere… feeling confused again as to why it’s the same… and like said in this poem.. I have begun to smile old smiles--with listlessness

... void

2008-03-06T18:26:00.006+05:30

I dont know if i will ever write an auto biography.... But if i happen to do it.. i have thought of what it will be called....

Confessions of a ...

... other way!!!

2008-02-27T19:21:00.012+05:30

As I set out to explore this new day called today, I stretch out my hand to open the door.
I feel something is missing… I notice my wrists are bare.. I turn around . Stretch my arms out to pick my watch. As I do this, my brand new spectacles slip and fall down.. the glass shatters on the floor …I look at my watch.. and cant help smiling.. the watch which tempted me.. had gone dead… and stopped working a couple of hours back….

I try to understand why I had to turn around from the door .. and to let all of this happen within few seconds.. What if I had just gone away… but I made a choice…or at least I think it was me who made the choice…

But what hurts me more is.. I have done something wrong again…why couldn’t I be more careful… why am I not as smart as everyone else… then I listen to lines from this beautiful song

Let me in without a shout
Let me in i have a doubt
There are more many more
Many many many more like me

Akela nahin main ( I am not alone)
Khuli aankhon se neend mein chalta (who walks with their eyes open)
Girta zyada kam sambhalta (who fall more often than getting up)
Phir bhi na koi shaq na subha (still have not doubt or curiosity
Nikalega phir se suraj jo duba (the sun which has set, will rise again)
Hairat ho sabko aisa (everyone wonders…)
Ajuba hai mera jahan.. (astonishing as such.. is my world)

Open eye how i run
How i run to the other side
Then i glide like a bird
I just want to be..

Udne ko sau pankh diye hai (To fly, have been given 100 wings)
Chadhne ko Khula aasmaan (to climb, the open sky)
Mudne Ko Hai Karwat Karwat (to turn around twist and twist)
Aur badhne ko mera jahan.. (to move ahead, there is.. my world)

The song gave me hope, that i am not alone.. and urges me to move into this world with less fear ....

Everytime I used to do something wrong.. mostly I found people who would ask.. how is it possible that you land up doing stuff like this.. or sadly enough, they would. remark. “Oh, that’s you, AGAIN”

Today the same fear surrounds me… how would I be mocked today..

I wish I could not care…. Coz I see of all them stumbling as well..
Still they seem to get some sort of joy to make me feel like I am the only one who falters time and again..
The only difference being, they seem to act blind to their faults and fears and try to show me how they want to be seen.. They enjoy being cynical coz they say that’s how life treats us, we treat it the same way…

Its not that I don’t see beyond what is being shown.. Just that my empathetic behavior leads to me to ignore all of it.. and leaves me confused with my own tolerance..

They seemed to have lost hope in me… to be able to walk across to the other side..
But why do they have to tell me that… aint I better off without “that” knowledge as they think I am anyways drowning in my whirlpool of ignorance.

Do I need to be in “their world…”

Hmm… like Susanna says in the movie “Girl, Interrupted” to Lisa: –

“Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is stupid, and ignorant. But I'd rather be in it. Id' rather be f****** in it, than down here with you. “

And I too made the choice to be in it… Why ? because even if they have lost hope in me.. I try really hard to not lose hope in myself……

All I want to do is….. to open my eyes and run.. run to the other side… at my own pace.. not just in a hope of reaching the other end.. (which I am going to anyways).. more than that.. of enjoying this ride..

Strangely as per mythology hope is worser than hopelessness...

Hope. Pandora brought the jar with the evils and opened it. It was the gods' gift to man, on the outside a beautiful, enticing gift, called the "lucky jar." Then all the evils, those lively, winged beings, flew out of it. Since that time, they roam around and do harm to men by day and night. One single evil had not yet slipped out of the jar. As Zeus had wished, Pandora slammed the top down and it remained inside. So now man has the lucky jar in his house forever and thinks the world of the treasure. It is at his service; he reaches for it when he fancies it. For he does not know that that jar which Pandora brought was the jar of evils, and he takes the remaining evil for the greatest worldly good--it is hope, for Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment.

And I am going to let this hope torment me as well.. coz… you know I wouldn't want it any other way...

He...

2008-02-15T15:23:00.003+05:30

The MASK on the cover of TIME!!!

Subscribe to Time Magazine at an 86% discount!

She...

2008-02-15T12:42:00.002+05:30

My witch of Portobello on the cover of Vogue!!!

Subscribe to Vogue Magazine at a 63% discount!

Ser-uhn-dip-i-tee

2008-01-16T18:59:00.000+05:30

Seraph: Did you always know?
The Oracle: Oh, no. No, I didn't. But I believed... I believed.

Yesterday as i watched this last scene from one of my favourite movies , i couldnt help recollecting... that despite all the layers of emotions i had experienced.. the magic of the word "Serendipity" is something i beleived in.. i could never explain it... but then heart has reasons , reasons cant explain...
-- you don't reach Serendib by plotting a course for it. You have to set out in good faith for elsewhere and lose your bearings ... serendipitously."
(John Barth, The Last Voyage of Somebody the Sailor)

i hoped it would happen.. and now that it has happened... my fears also seem to have changed.. My fear is to have i might have let go of these moments... which i dont wanna for anything in this world... But i also know, that the balance has to happen.... and it will happen.. and that scares me more.. it seems to refrain me from enjoying the present moments... So i seem to have to keep saying to myself.. Carpe Diem, and ask myself - What would i do if i were not afraid?
I would be as crazy as always....

And as i read the tagine of "Serendipity" - Can once in a lifetime happen twice?

Well, Oh, no. No, I dont know. But I believe... I believe.

Muft Baithhe Bithhaaye...

2007-12-27T10:08:00.000+05:30

I have been was trying to understand for the past few days as to why people around want to spoil my moments of joy by expressing their disatisfaction of how things were handled.

Mujhpe Toofaan Uthaaye Logon Ne
Muft Baithhe Bithhaaye Logon Ne
Kar Diya Apne Aane Jaane Ke
Tazkiren Jaayein Jaayein Logon Ne
Mujhpe Toofaan Uthaaye Logon Ne

And then my search on www leads me to this Yahoo Q&A -

Resolved Question
Wedding to please others....impossible to make everyone happy?

I am engaged to a great guy, and I can't wait to marry him. However, planning a wedding has turned into a contest in how many people I can offend. I just want to get married... is there a way to do that beautifully without the need for others to be offended by things that are/not being done?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Bottom line - it's your wedding. If you're footing the bill, then no one can dictate how things are done. Sit down with your fiance, and you two decide what you want. Then, TOGETHER, as a team, tell your family and friends what your decisions are. If they try to make suggestions, gently tell them you appreciate their input but you two have made up your minds and hope that they will support your decision. You two need to be able to look back at your wedding day and be elated as to how it went - not ticked 'cause you didn't do what you two really wanted.

Congrats and good luck!

So here's me wishing myself good luck to remain sane enough to make the most appropriate choices in a hope that..

Aap Ko… mujhse… gila hota na… shikva hota…
Meri majboori ko…. gar aap ne… samjha hota… samjha hota

Kuch na Kaho!!!

2007-12-21T17:04:00.000+05:30

Picture tho 'Abi' shuru hui hai.... Tho kuch na kaho...

There will be more colours, fragrances, laughter, excitement, overwhelmness... and amore..

And if it doesnt happen that way.. now that would like, telling me something i dunno..

If wishes were....

2007-12-17T20:28:00.000+05:30

As you are standing close, holding fingers…. suddenly the photographer says, "Ok, please move away from each other.."
As you are in the lift, catching up with each other.. the doors slide opens and another person enters in
As you are looking into each others eyes… the mobile phone vibrates…
As you are getting totally lost in each other while talking.. the cab honks the horn and announces its arrival..

Aaargh……the photographer, the unwanted lift companion, the friend trying to reach out, the daily cab.. were all spoilers..

Hmm.. Now what if everything went just the way we wanted…
If every desire fulfilled..
Every need satisfied…
Then what would we live for..

Maybe we could still find means and ways to “evolve” in this world..
Or maybe we can be laid back and enjoy our good fortune..
Or maybe we could rub a little of our joy into some one who doesn’t get everything the way we do…

Still there seem to choices… or … or is everything already planned… and only that we are made to believe that we are making the choices.. but again why would someone wanna fool us.. what would they gain!!!

Could it be that the way life teases us.. is what drives us and excites us to keeps on going.. These spoilers are there around and so are the signs, to make us appreciate what “would have been” just happiness… to be now experienced as utmost bliss…

So should i be thankful for “the photographer, the unwanted lift companion, the friend trying to reach out, the daily cab”…

Well… i think i should be.. Otherwise i would have been just happy "riding" a horse….

How to name it ???

2007-12-11T18:47:00.000+05:30

The catch!!!

2007-12-03T18:16:00.000+05:30

Everything seems to fit it purrfectly well.. But that was something I couldn’t believe.. there has to be something wrong. There has to be a catch.. I have been trying to find out that for a few days.. and then atlast I gave up and said.. Alright, things are ok, so I should stop worrying myself for nothing……. After that its has been going really crazy…. its euphoria, too many people to talk to when I was enjoying my solitiude, moments of distraction, flare ups, to do lists, putting up with people’s mood swings, preparations , shopping, advices to listen to, formalities to perform, and so much more.. At some moments ,I feel like wanna just put down and my foot down and say, I don’t wanna do anything…. That’s it….

And then I listen to a voice… and somehow… everything seems worth it… And there , my friend reminds me, is what I was looking for.. there is the “catch”….

With YOU...

2007-11-28T17:33:00.000+05:30

Today I was reminded of this B E Autiful scene in Dil Chahtha hai..

Akshaye Khanna takes beach sand in his fist and clenches it hard; most of the sand goes from between his fingers as he tries to cling on to it. He says - “See this sand? The tighter you hold it, the quicker it slips through your fingers. ”

But while you are still holding it, open you hand.. and it will remain… with you…

Ofcourse...!!!

2007-11-24T23:32:00.000+05:30

Not so long ago, I had stopped to blog for a while in between coz I was apprehensive of what folks might think abt me.. But on “second thoughts” it struck me..if I were actually thinking abt what others think of me… I should have maintained a secret diary like Anne Frank and written in that, whatever I felt like…But that’s not what I wanted… There seemed to be a desire within me… to put the stuff twirling in my mind… out here..

Most of times. we find ourselves making “judgments” with a prejudice based on the past experiences with a person… And this has been something I would like to overcome...No assumptions as far as possible… coz I have changed a lot as a person… and so might have the other person…. Mostly, as i sit to blog, I've felt that I can express my feelings more rationally (Hey, I am trying).. Inspite of this, many a times, we censor certain emotions or thoughts to let our “image” remain the way we want it to be perceived.. A sweet person or a rebel or jus a wisecrack… so I feel there are pretty much high chances of hypocrisy becoming a part of your blogs even without your own realization.. The blog is a part of you.. but the part which you are willing to show everyone…

Since a few days, I had again been feeling a kinda block in the flow of my thoughts as I was wondering.. “What will be thought about me???

And I began to fear that if I let these apprehensions "remain…" I might forget that I'm blogging here to let my thoughts .. flow its own due course…

That made me ask… “So can i continue to blog “anything”?”

Without any hesitation, pat came the reply…. “Ofcourse”

And that blissful “moment” was enough…

Grow up !!!

2007-11-20T18:41:00.000+05:30

Recently I have had folks all around me discuss about one of the topic which I consider most dear to me. KIDS...

One of the things that I love about them is the genuine smile….. which for some obnoxious reasons which I could never comprehend, you rarely receive from adults. Well, we have got problems you see..yeah , right!!!

Anyways…what seems to be getting on my nerves recently is how people think of children as their lineage carrier.. and most of them happily use EMB (Emotional blackmail) and get their children to do what they want to be done..I am in a kinda rambling mode coz of the…

Conversation in the cafeteria

E : Today my mother in law asked my kid, - “Shall I comb your hair?”.. My daughter shooed her away and said “my” mom will do that. You go away…?” I felt so happy and proud of my child..

F : Wow.. you have got a smart kid.. Good you have a control over your kid

G : Aaaaaa… what was wrong in having her grandmother comb her hair…

F : Whats wrong.. Today she will comb the hair, tmrw she will tell the kid to not speak to her mother and even before you realize the kids will be in their control

E : I know..

G : Why are you so sure that is how its gonna happen.. Maybe your kid might have a nice time with her too

E : Oh no G, you don’t understand.. What will you do if tmrw you kid , on their coercion screams something at you or asks you to get out.. Your own kid saying that to you.. Wouldn’t that hurt you..

G: Well, at that moment I will think of what the kid is.. he or she is after all… a kid…

F : Yes.. but don’t you see how you let them manipulate your kid against you..

G There are something you can teach them .. and somethings they will have to learn on their own.. Like what is right and whats not.., But you cant imagine something is gonna go wrong and stop the kid from falling down, getting hurt, getting up and running again…

E : You are not understanding.. Its your kid.. A part of you…

G : : But isn’t the kid another person.. I mean.. like everyone else.. Yes, its my blood and flesh.. that’s abt it… I am going to take care of the upbringing,,, But why should I stop it from enjoying love and care which it might get from whomsoever around..

F : You wont understand it now, G.. only when you have a baby, you will be hooked and the maternal instinct will want you to have the baby to yourself..

G : What abt if I adopt a baby? Then will I still be having the same feelings….

E : Oh noooooooooo.. There has been and will always be a difference between your own kid and an adopted one ..

G : Why should there be… a baby is a baby is a baby…

F : There is a definite difference..the bond is not there… so tmrw you might not feel so attached to the adopted one..

G : Eggjactly my point.. why should I attach myself to my own kid as well.. I will definitely love my kid like crazy.. but what should make me think that just becoz it is my own blood , the kid is gonna love me forever or that I have the hell of a “right” to be in control of this person…

E : Oh forget it G.. Its not the same… you will hopefully understand sometime in future what we say…

G : And I hope not..

F : Oh yes you will ….When you experience the wonder of getting to see your “own” baby grow up in front of you….

G : Hmmm…. Alright….Will leave it at that.. What still seems to bothers me is… who needs to grow up…..

As i blog i am feeling proud of what i said and felt.. and here i am reminded of what a friend once quoted

Insanity is to expect others to behave like you would.

Normality is the capacity to accept that they might not...

Hope i can grow up too...

Welcome...

2007-11-17T23:52:00.000+05:30

Hope and pray that you are blessed in abundance with all the goodness.. that will be around you... Loads of cuddles and smooches, my little one...

Lag jao…

2007-11-11T12:53:00.000+05:30

My dear witch of portbello said once to me, “If you want something with all your heart.. you will get it, no matter what…

In OSO, charming Srk says, “Kehte hain, agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaaho, tho puri kayanat usse, tumse milane ki khoshish mein lag jaathi hain..

Tho lag jao…

Kyonki picture “Abi” bakki hai…

Some times....

2007-11-06T16:57:00.000+05:30

Shelly drew this... which reminded of many things.. And she says "Don’t we all want someone to hold us, to nurture us, protect us? I understand this need so much more deeply now that I have children"

I am nearly finished with reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Apart from the generalisations mentioned, i found it interesting to read the "not-so-obvious" but apparent differences between the two...

One of them being, when in pain or anger, while a man prefers solitude...a woman likes to be hugged ... [Disclaimer : this is just the author's observation]

The power of a warm hug is something i came to comprehend quite late in my life... Many a times when the pain of the other person is something which i couldnt share in any way.. i used to feel very helpless and frustrated... and when i asked a friend what do i do when i dont know what to say or comfort, i was told.. give a hug... and it worked.. i felt better and comforted that i did the least i could do for the other person...

But still sometimes, i find myself holding back from giving a hug though i could have... and sometimes even i feel the need to be held close and to sleep off...

What the...

2007-11-05T15:23:00.000+05:30

Most of you will relate to this, i guess...

...nothing

2007-11-02T16:13:00.000+05:30

My ill at ease feelings of speaking on the phone is becoming my bane as i realise the number of my long distance relationships seem to be increasing... Though i enjoy my reclusivenesses... i fear i am savoring it more than i should..

And in time comes a friendly reminder

Then again, WHY do i fear???

These feelings are bound to go away sometime.. coz "they" say ... "Nothing lasts forever......"

So.... to last forever i guess i have to be ...

SHUT MY MOUTH!!!

2007-10-19T10:49:00.000+05:30

Did you hear about the blasts that happened..

No

It was totally gruesome to even watch...

I think they absolutely deserve it. I would have felt better if some more of them died.

i jus.......

chod do.....

2007-10-15T18:53:00.000+05:30

Haazaron kwaashen aisi ke har khwaish pe dam nikle,
Bahut nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi dam nikle.

Thousands of desires, tantalizing one and all,
Many a wish have I realised; yet I yearn for more.

Nikalna khuld se aadam, ka sunte aae the lekin,
Bahut be aabroo ho kar tere kuche se ham nikle.

Often have we heard about Adam's exile from Eden,
Humiliating much more was my exit from your door.

Magar likhwae koi usko khat to ham se likhwae,
Hui subah aur kaan par dhar kar qalam nikle.

Those I thought would sympathize with my wretched state,
Turned out to be the victims of an even harsher fate.

Mahabbat mein nahin hai farq jeene aur marne ka,
Usi ko dekh kar jeete hain, jis kaafir pe dam nikle.

There is little difference in life and death when we are in love,
The same infidel sustains our life, for whom we pine to die.

Kahaan maikhana ka darwaaza Ghalib, aur kahaan waiz,
Par itna jante hain kal woh jaata tha ke ham nikle.

The preacher and the tavern door are things wide apart,
Yet yesterday I saw him enter, as I was coming out.

Haazaron kwaashen aisi ke har khwaish pe dam nikle,
Bahut nikle mere armaan, lekin phir bhi dam nikle.

Thousands of desires, tantalizing one and all,
Many a wish have I realised; yet I yearn for more.

Hmmmm... but then, Only "fools" dream of the one thing they can’t have.
Tho...

Me, myself and Narcissus!!!

2007-10-10T19:24:00.000+05:30

A female colleague asked me what kinda cut have I got done for my hair..
Instead of me, a male colleague replied … "Hair cut"

Only if it just that…

I remember the days, long-long-ago-so-long-ago when i would be taken to get my hair cut short.. and volia.. it would be done for a meager amount.... oh yeah,, I forgot to mention.. it wasn’t a Beauty Parlour I went to.. but a barber shop..

Now if asked, SO!!!... Well, recently I got enlightened with the sheer magnitude of difference..

I’d heard about this up-market beauty parlour near my home and thought would check it out to find what the big deal was about..(i wanted to get pampered Period)

I pushed the door expecting to see loads of women , you know, getting "beautified".. But instead I had only reached the reception of the parlour.. At the reception desk was a computer, and products from Loreal, Garnier, etc etc. I told the lady at the reception that I wanted get a hair cut done.. She asked me if i had an appointment.. I replied, "Aaaaaa… no…"... She asked me to wait, but thankfully, a lady looking lovely in a yellow t-shirt and jeans came out from the room within and said she was free. So I was assigned to her…

I got into a room which seemed like a palace. It had a sweet fragrance and some absolutely hot chicks working there… (no, not a lesbo yet). Anyways, the lady whom I shall refer to here as my beautician asked me what kinds of hair cut I wanted.. I said.. jus make it short.

She looked at me thoughtfully.. Went and brought back a book with different hair styles… showed me what my cut was gonna look like.. discussed with me the length and from where she would curl it.. I nodded my head coz I felt it was better for her to decide these life making or breaking decisions…. Then i waited for her to take out her scissors… Instead she said ,"come, lets wash the hair…" She made me tilt my head into a basin… and washed my hair like it were a baby.. or guess until she was sure she had drowned all the lice on my head…. Once she was done cleaning my hair.. she draped an apron around me which read Loreal.. and boy.. me already felt like a super model…

And atlast she started doing what I had actually come for… "a hair cut"… She took nearly each strand of hair.. and artistically ran the scissors through it and shaped it.. Then she would have her moments of silence just lookin at it, as it were a piece of art she was creating….. she continued this until she was satisfied..

Jus when i thought my "hair-cut" was over.. she took a hair dryer and not only sucked out every single drop of water on head.. but eventually curled and styled my hair…

And at last as she made me look at myself in the mirror.. I was nearly in tears…
Coz now I know what Narcissus must have felt like…

He caught a glimpse of his own beauty
and that was his mistake.

No longer could he feel
thirst, hunger, pain or joy,
the only thing that stabbed his heart:
a longing for this boy
he saw reflected on the surface
of the magic pool.
And so it was that, like a fool,
he starved himself to death,

unable yet to see
that real love is to be found,
though imperfect it may be,
all over, all around us,
within us and without,
and in the smiles of those who care,
and love us beyond doubt.

One..

2007-10-02T23:33:00.000+05:30

On his birthday today..... all news channels seem to ask the same question over and over and over...

Is it possible to SEE another "person" like him on the face of this earth...

Why do they all still doubt.... guess maybe its that tough then and gonna be all the more difficult... for me....

You may say that I'm a dreamer

But having seen what he has done makes me feel..

I'm not the only one.....

once again.....

2007-10-01T19:00:00.000+05:30

From the "The power of the subconscious mind" -

The thankful heart is always close to the creative forces of the universe, causing count-less blessings to flow toward it by the law of reciprocal relation-ship, based on a cosmic law of action and reaction.

This made me feel lots of good things are gonna happen to me..... So... Thanks once again....

Sixty percent!!!

2007-09-27T20:26:00.000+05:30

You Are 60% Ready for Marriage

You aren't quite ready for marriage, but you're getting close.
You still have a few relationship issues to work out - whether it's with your current partner or someone new.

Are You Ready for Marriage?

Bending.....

2007-09-26T18:56:00.001+05:30

They ask me, "What is it that you want...?"

i say, "Nothing you can give..."

They say , "Try us..."

i jus stop myself from laughing out.. from letting it come to the brim and flood around...

They say "A heart that bends cannot be broken......"

i say.... "Hmmm... There's only one way to find out...."

Uh... Oh...

2007-09-20T20:18:00.000+05:30

Connect Holocaust, Capris, Pockets,Disney World, Om Shanthi Om... Well.. these are the answers which ME gave in a quiz conducted by a friend.... After a looooooong while me enjoyed the pleasure of being appreciated....
And WE won.... Uh Oh...........

Crazy dame!!!

2007-09-18T20:26:00.000+05:30

"We entrepreneurs are loners, vagabonds, troublemakers. Success is simply a matter of finding and surrounding ourselves with those open-minded and clever souls who can take our insanity and put it to good use."

Anita Roddick... a successful female entrepreneur who, from a single shop in Brighton in 1976, presided over a franchise of 2,000 stores in 53 countries just 30 years later.

This is how they described her in an article after her death a couple of days ago..

A woman of fierce passions, boundless energy, unconventional idealism and sometimes diva-like temperament, Ms. Roddick was one of Britain’s most visible business executives, and not just because of the ubiquitous and instantly recognizable Body Shop franchises. She worked on behalf of numerous causes such as

The rain forest,
Debt relief for developing countries,
Indigenous farmers in impoverished nations,
Whales,
Voting rights,
Anti-sexism and anti-ageism...

Hmm... Inspiring....
Hope to have the strength to be as crazy as you, dame....

Look who's shopping!!!

2007-09-16T23:54:00.000+05:30

Not feeling like doing it for anyone else... i am spending on myself.....

Turning myself into a shopaholic... Alarm bells ringing within...

Me not paying heed.... Hmmmm....

So will i.....

2007-09-10T16:32:00.001+05:30

Having been told that they are going to put pressure on me… they are going to unsettle me because they need to extract better performance from me… makes me uncomfortable… And this feeling reminds me of Janteloven or the Jante Law…

Jante’s Law is an unspoken code of ethics in Scandinavian-American culture. This law is an all-pervading code of conformist homogeneity. which sends the message that nobody should get above themselves or believe that they are superior to anyone else. According to the "Jante Law", everyone is equal and cleverness or intelligence does not make you a better person.

The Jante Law

1. Don't think you are somebody.
2. Don't think you are as good as us.
3. Don't think you are smarter than us.
4. Don't think you are better than us.
5. Don't think you know more than us.
6. Don't think you are more important than us.
7. Don't think you will ever be anybody.
8. Don't think you can laugh at us.
9. Don't think anybody gives a damn about you.
10.Don't think you can teach us anything.

As per this Law… “Medicrity and anonmymity are the safest choice. If you opt for them, you’ll never face any other major problem in life…”

Being in a comfort zone all this while felt good…. And now to be pushed out of it….. feels kinda scary… dunno if I can handle it….

In these moments of despair.. the traveler says to me.. After all these years of work, you haven’t learnt one of the most important lessons.. That no matter job you get into.. you will be taught some stuff, you will learn a few things, you will invent many.. but the work will surely get done….
and ends with quoting what Gandhi said back then…..

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it, even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

It is between these moments of self-doubts and self motivation, that I enjoy to recollect the entry in the slam book of a young 18 year old boy for the question… "What you think about yourself?"

He had written.. - “I’ll have a great future...”

The self confidance this lad had in himself made me have no doubts that he will have an extremely enriching future…..

After listening to all of them.. i believe.. hey.. so will i.. so will i…

If only you had known......

2007-09-09T12:20:00.000+05:30

To the person
with whom i always found difficult to connect to.....
Whom i rarely think of...
Who never seemed to matter to me....
Happy Birthday.... and hope you are blessed in abundance.....

Strangely.... it dawns upon me.. that you have meant so much more....
I also do realise... You dont even know that you have influenced me the most for my important choices about love, God and much more...

If only you had known...... what you did to me......

21 days....

2007-09-04T19:36:00.000+05:30

I had read that it takes 21 days to build or break a habit.... So... me decided to blog whatever me felt like thinking aloud ... and surprise , surprise… I enjoyed the process… of letting it out… thoughts, quotes, pics and puns.. (intended ones) … and to top it all.. I created another blog too….(LOL) and now.. its become a bad habit… coz even though my eyes are burninig right now.. I am getting this itch to blog…..
Did they say it takes 21 days to break a habit….. hmmmmm……..

Mnemosyne and my musings...

2007-08-31T18:45:00.000+05:30

Mnemosyne ,a Titaness, was the daughter of Uranus (Heaven) and Gaea (Earth),
She is attributed with being the first philosopher, her gift, the power of reason.

There was a spring dedicated to Mnemosyne before the Oracle of Trophonius at Lebadea. The mortals who came to consult the Oracle had a choice afterwards to either keep their Memory and drink from the Spring of Mnemosyne or to forget their past and drink from the Spring of Lethe.

Memory was of the utmost importance at the time of Mnemosyne. Even before the invention of the alphabet and the written word, it was vital to the well-being of an individual or a society who had to rely solely on the lessons passed on in an oral history

By Zeus (king of the gods) she became the mother of the nine younger greek goddesses.. Collectively they were known as the Muses (the Proto-Indo-European root *men- "think") and were described as "having one mind, their hearts set upon song and their spirit free from care.“ Their role was to inspire poets and musicians and to promote the arts and sciences.

After all, it is memory, some believe, that is a gift that distinguishes us from the other creatures in the animal world. It is the gift that allows us to reason, to predict and anticipate outcomes, and is the very foundation for civilization.

But then Socrates said....

“…If you had no memory.. you could not even remember that you ever did enjoy pleasure, and no recollection whatever of present… pleasure could remain with you…”

[Socrates to Protarchus. Plato, Philebus 21c]

And here i am choosing to remember....trying to hold on to stuff what i read , see,listen and wonder..... my reflections.... my musings....

Another blog.... Mnemosyne and my musings

Only when I laugh.....

2007-08-30T19:44:00.000+05:30

Mr. Rearden," said Francisco, his voice solemnly calm, "if you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest, his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of this strength, and the greater his effort the heavier the world bore down on his shoulders – what would you tell him to do?"
"I … don't know. What … could he do? What would you tell him?"
"To shrug."

These lines brought a new dimension in my thoughts when I first read it…. I started noticing the people around me….. Almost everyone had some strength and capability, which was worth admiring … and how instead of admiring them.. most of us would either try to use them and worse than that.. misuse them…. And what was even most hard to digest was… IF Atlas ever showed signs of shrugging… we would blame him for not living up to the responsibility which was given to him….. WOW…

EVERYONE in this world is blessed…. And yes, accepted… not equally….maybe that’s we have to try and make the world a better place for each other…

But to what extent ?

I have listened and also seen.. how acts of kindness have moved and changed lives… Especially, in times of difficulties, where one is left with painful choices… a understanding heart helps them to look beyond their sorrow .. and gain strength to try and make things work for them…

So there are a few intelligent people.. who have a strength of character.. who have a certain quality in them… which makes them smart enough to work better than you .. and maybe strong enough to carry your burden on their shoulders… But how much do you make them carry….

They have been kind to understand our pain or incapability and help us out…. But don’t we have the obligation to learn from them on how to approach the situation and then take off our issues from their back….and then again, lets say.. we take that problem out, but we are so unlucky that we always happen to get into some problem or other ….so we put it on their shoulders…. Don’t we see that they need some rest???? Atleast for sometime… Or is it because we believe they are stronger than us .. and perhaps assume that they just have to hold on.. no matter what.. and if they shrug.. then we condemn them for their lack of strength.. But what about all the times they made life easier for us…. They could have jus walked away, like most of us do… do they have to be there for us…. all the time?

After reading this book… I started thinking … What if one day… Atlas decides to shrug…. I feel I would be mad at him... and this is how I think our conversation would go..

Me : Hey Atlas.. aren’t we forgetting something…
Atlas : Oh really?
Me.. : Well.. Yeah.. you see… You were supposed to be holding the earth .. But you shrugged.. You had been given this honour and you cant jus leave like this.
Atlas : Oh… ok…Thanks, But I don’t want this honour anymore…
Me : WHAT?? You gotta be kidding me…
Atlas : I am tired…. Its getting too much for me
Me : Now come on.. don’t act like a kid… You are ATLAS… you can do anything .. you are the mightiest … you had been the chosen one to hold this earth… you don’t know how significant you are..
Atlas : Am i? Show me?
Me : Huh… What?
Atlas : You said I was significant.. well… make me feel significant…
ME : Ahem.. aaaa.. I meant to say.. that as long as you are holding the earth, you are significant.. that IS your significance….
Atlas : Hmmm.. you mean to say, if I do not hold the earth.. I am incapable of anything else… and ONLY if I held the earth.. i am significant????
Me : Hey , you are getting it all wrong… You don’t understand how much we admire you… You can hold the whole earth...most of us cant do that… … its difficult you see…
Altas : Ask me about that..
Me : You are witty…
Altas : and tired too…
Me : Oh Atlas.. come on.. whats the big problem.. you were holding the earth for such a long time… you know you can do it… so why don’t you continue doing it..
Atlas : Why should i?
ME : For the love of mankind …
Atlas : Aha…. So I gotta hold the earth because I love the makind… Hmm.. so what do I get in return…
Me : In return??? Well, as long as you hold it.. you are loved back too… the more you stronger you make yourself and continue to hold it.. the more you are loved…
Atlas : But the burden seems to get heavier.. and love I get back doesn’t seem to be in proportion … and my back is aching.. I wanna shrug..
Me : What do you mean by saying that the love is not in proportion.. Listen, buddy.. love is not measurable.. so stop comparing it with the burden..
Atlas : I wasn’t the one who started that comparison...
Me : Ok fine.. Answer this.. What would you do, if you stop holding the earth
Atlas : Cant I do something else and have a life?
Me : Ahem…Well.. But then who will hold the world.. Don’t you feel sorry for letting down all those who look up and respect you for being so strong all the time…
Atlas : Am I the one who is supposed to feel sorry? I have been holding YOUR
burden all this while.. and without letting you know, that it gets painful sometimes… But you don’t seem to be bothered about that.. Jus because I have held it for so long.. doesn’t mean you keep pushing more on me… Why am I the one who should be strong all the time.. Why don’t you hold it for a change?
Me :Me? I cant.. well, you know, I am not as strong as you… I wont be able to hold it…
Atlas : Have you ever tried it.. ?
Me : No.. but I know I cant..
Altas : Its jus a matter of technique.. Every problem has a solution.. You need to try a different angle.. Why don’t you try carrying it… And if you feel uncomfortable.. then change the way you hold it.. try different postures… One of them will click and then you can hold it easily..
Me : Well, I dunno.. I have never done it.. and I feel you are better at it.. I might screw it up and everyone will blame me for it....
Atlas : Anyway, you are gonna be in some pain
Me : What do you mean?
Altas : Look at my situation… All this while.. I have been holding your earth… Not complaining.. Not giving any excuse… It might have been difficult for me too.. even then i did not let go.. because I felt that you needed me to hold it .. But I notice that as much as I am willing to hold it.. you continue to increase my
burden.. Since I do not complain.. you think I will continue taking it.. And now
when I feel I don’t want to hold it anymore.. You accuse me for letting you down
If I continue to hold it.. I will be in pain.. and if don’t.. your blame will anyways hurt me…
Me : I do not know what to say.. I jus thought that you were strong to hold the world for an eternity..
Atlas : I am..
Me : Then?
Atlas : I jus don’t feel its worth holding anymore.. You just kept misusing my capabilities to compensate your inabilities.. And the more i help you out.. the more you lazier you become ..
Me : Alright,, alright… So…… you want me to carry it for sometime.. ?
Atlas : Yes.. That would be nice..
Me : And… when I get tired.. will you hold it back from me…
Atlas : May be..
Me : Hey…. that’s not fair… I am willing to carry since you are tired… why cant you do the same..
Atlas : Tell me something… Why do you want to carry it?
Me : Because you seem to be tired
Atlas : Really!!! Or is it because.. your world would collapse if someone doesnt hold it….
Me : Ahem.. yeah, that too..
Atlas : So if I say.. carry it and I don’t intend to hold it again …
Me : That sounds terrible..How do you expect me to carry it forever..
Atlas : Just giving you taste of your own medicine.. or rather your own thoughts… You wouldn’t carry the burden on your shoulder if it were forever …. Right?
Me : I guess so..
Atlas : So…. I am doing the right thing, aint i?
Me : But someone has to carry it…
Atlas : Let each one carry his own…
Me : That’s not possible .. We need someone else
Atlas : They should be able to handle some things by themselves… I understand that they need help… and it will be given…. but I don’t think they should suck out another person for anything and everything.. A person should never be taken for granted.. like I was..
Me : Hmm.. what you are asking us to do ?
Atlas : Let each one do what they can with his/her capabilites… Help out when they can… and learn how to do it.. and not add each others burden.. …
Me : Atlas, does it still hurt?
Altas : Does it still hurt ?.. That question reminds me of a story..
Me : Which one
Altas : About a man who had been run through with a large spear in his chest. When asked if it hurt,… Do you know what he replied…
ME : What?
Atlas : He said, “Only when I laugh…..”

Tied up.....

2007-08-29T07:45:00.000+05:30

Not "allowed" to make a FEW choices in life.... feels like you are given arms and legs... and informed... Look, how long they are because of us....use them like we want you to.. or else they are.... tied up.......

Seeking within...

2007-08-26T21:48:00.000+05:30

“Blessed are they that keep his testimonies and that seek him with the whole heart” –Psalms 119:2

Sometimes… you hope for something so much.. and it happens…

And you just dunno how to express your gratitude…..

I realize that all I can do right now is...remember this moment.. store it inside me.. and bring forth the immense strength, comfort and peace i felt.. when i need to use it the most....

2007-08-25T00:14:00.000+05:30

Amore

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

2007-08-23T18:36:00.000+05:30

Your Birthdate: August 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist.
A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around.
You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you.
You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people.

Your strength: Your devotion

Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness

Your power color: Lilac

Your power symbol: Heart

Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

My solitude....

2007-08-22T18:04:00.000+05:30

They say..

"When God wants to punish you, he answers your prayers."

"Be(a)ware of what you wish... it might come true......"

Since all of them seem preoccupied.... it seems what i was seeking for.... that day is gonna turn jus like that...

And i think i am ready for.... my solitude....

Rubik's Cube.....

2007-08-21T22:53:00.001+05:30

Once upon a time, i wasnt sure that i could pick up stuff for myself....

Now i've begun to think again..... :)

Tere jahaan main aisa nahin ke.....

2007-08-20T19:45:00.000+05:30

Snippets of a friend's chat with me....

do u know that lately uve been acting very strange and im concerned abt it

ur more reserved, keep to urself a lot..and do not initiate contact and act pensive
is anything wrong ?

i think ur being with urself cos ur depressed

but we r concerned abt u

so dont lets this kinda change happen to u

u dont think..u think u think..thats ur problem

u dont enjoy being a recluse..u are becos u dont wanna face the facts

but sometime uve to listen to ur mind and not ur heart and sometimes to other ppl who care
cos they mite analyse ur problem better than u...

I felt sad for myself.. not because i was depressed or something.... but for my lack of appreciation of the concern.... It was very kind of my friend to be concerned....

At this point, a couplet comes into my mind.. Tere jahaan main aisa nahin ke

It is something which has always been echoing in my mind... and i "see" and "feel" it ALL around me.. everywhere in the world... I promised "myself" i wont, but now i feel sad and mock myself for being a part of it too....

Looking up for nizhal....

2007-08-19T13:22:00.000+05:30

This the second time i went for a "Tree walk" organized by Nizhal... I found it enchanting to be informed about an organization in Chennai called Nizhal, which dealt with spreading awareness about Trees. All they need is, a place with a variety of plants and trees, a specialist on the subject and a group of keen eco friendly people... The place chosen this weekend was the Government Museum in Egmore, Chennai... Mrs Pushpa, who is the botanist curator of the musuem (for the last 27 years) was kind enough to spend her time and knowledge with us...... There were trees with medicinal value, economical value and for ornamental purposes. Some cured depression , tooth ache and arthritis.. while others helped absorb the sound and dust around us... We were requested to plant more and more trees around , to help us breathe fresh and clean air.... and not to only plant saplings, but to also take good care of them....

The museum was also interesting enough to have a look at the artefacts of various periods and find how our language and civilizations have developed over the years... Since i had my own personal guide, a dear friend, to tell me about the gods, goddesses, civilzations, and anecdotes in mythology, the trip into the museum was worthwhile...

Most of all, its a really ethereal and B E A utiful feeling i found, looking upwards into the sky while taking this photo and watching mother nature provide nizhal (shade) to us....

Click on the image to see glimpses of the different trees discussed during the walk......

Also click on the image below to find an article in The Hindu...

Framed!!!.....

2007-08-18T23:40:00.000+05:30

Framed!!! My collection of books...

Whenever i feel bored.. i do a peekaboo at the books i picked up from time to time (Disclaimer : Very few are flicked my friends).. and volia.. i get myself immersed in one of them....
Me decided to neatly stack and show them off....

Someday, i would also like to own a library of books plus movies plus music, where people can come and pick stuff.. and also share their collections with me and others.... In a hope not against the hope....

ISFJ - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

2007-08-17T20:18:00.000+05:30

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. "- Henry David Thoreau

I was thinking that the music i was "listening" to, was that for a healer.......

Coz whatever i read about INFP - The idealist (The Healer) fitted me to the Tee....

And then i took a Jung Typology Test and then another Personality Test (Myers-Briggs and Keirsey), and suprise, suprise..

It turns out that i am a ISFJ - The Nurturer (The Protector)

Hopeaholic...

2007-08-16T19:46:00.001+05:30

I was enjoying the excitement of a feeling for the past three days. But today when it didn’t happen.. it was kinda uneasy.. I wanted to be made to be felt that today also.. When one doesn’t expect and things happen, one feels blessed.. but when you want something to happen and it doesn’t, aaargh…..Expectations are such irritating feelings….. But then, like the Architect says -

Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.

And I... i am a hopeaholic (addicted to hope)...

With you, Barkha……

2007-08-15T22:17:00.000+05:30

She is a woman who has always been able to stop me from switching channels…I see her on the television and that’s it.. zap, I am glued, TOTALLY …. And having watched her so many times on TV today, i realize my admiration hasn't waned in all these years…. She hasn’t changed much either…. Speaks her mind quite clearly but still treats everyone with a lot of respect (a trait which I wanna develop)… Her ability to get away with sarcastic comments by jus giving a her trademark beaming smile… The eclectic choice of words that comes out so effortlessly wound up in her coarse voice … The aplomb with which she handles people in anger, in jest, in pain has always kept me intrigued….. Today I was also reminded of what I would love to do someday… I would like to meet and shake hands with you, Barkha Dutt……

Looking beyond borders....

2007-08-14T19:41:00.001+05:30

Tomorrow India celebrates her 60th Independence day…
Today Pakistan celebrates theirs….

I would like to visit Pakistan one day… Not because it would be thrilling to be in the land of the "so called" enemy… Its just an extension to my desire of visiting lots of places in India…. I obviously know that I am not going to find people any different from here…. But I have heard that Indians who visit Pakistan are treated with lot of respect and warmth and curiosity...

And even if they aren’t treated that way, like Eleanor Roosevelt said…

"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it. "

A Pakistani Rangers soldier seen through an Indian gate holds the
rope while raising his national flag on the occasion of Pakistan's 60th Independence Day anniversary, at the joint border check post, Wagah, India. Portrait of Mohammad Ali Jinnah, founder of Pakistan is also seen below the national flag.

To "know" the difference....

2007-08-13T19:46:00.000+05:30

Call it Premonition !
Call it ESP !
Call it Precognition !
Call it Intuition !

Whatever its called, i've got a bit of it... and it is making me confused and scared about my own thoughts....

All i pray now is...

Wingless.......

2007-08-12T22:20:00.000+05:30

“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.”

I have always loved the feeling of being suspended in mid air.... to able to fly and continue gliding... i wanna do that.....

But today my "roots" are asking me a pay a price for having enjoyed them... The least expectation they have is, my "wings"... and today that was made quite clear to me.....

Would i try to fly, up into the sky....
Or would "their" fears of the past and the future stop me from even trying an attempt and make me continue to look up and give a sigh........
Or am i gonna "stretch" myself as much as i will myself to, between the roots and the sky , singing like Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz"

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.

Where troubles melt like lemon drops way above the chimney tops.

That's where you'll find me...

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow,

Why then - oh, why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,

Why, oh, why can't I?

What to have for supper???

2007-08-11T22:53:00.001+05:30

Sms Poll question on CNN IBN – Was the Father of the Nation, a failure as a father to his own son?

I shall disclose the result of the poll later..
But this poll reminded of me what she revealed when I met her this year. She said, “I got the Best Teacher award last year.. But my family is asking me , ‘so what if you are the best teacher in school…. Are you a good mother to your children??? …. My work means so much to me… But my profession is costing me my children and my family today... I hope I get the strength to go through this ordeal, pray for me…….”

I said I would definitely pray for her…… The dedication she shows for the profession I admire (teaching) is something to be felt rather than expressed in mere words….
But at this moment, the accolade she received didn’t matter….. she was being condemned for not being able give her best , first to her family and then to her profession (strictly in this order)

The people who are admired for the work they do, are justified in being praised only if they can be the same at home as well…
Or else they get brick bats such as this - The good work they are doing to the society doesn’t matter when one cant take care of their own home.. First let him/her correct folks at home and then give gyan to us……
Look at that person.. thinks himself to be Mahatma… did you know at home, their kids behave like ……… So strangely home seems the place where the great are small and the small are great.....

But in turn… if a person slogged to meet ends, to take care of home and did nothing else, they would be appreciated.. That person never could do much because of the "family" responsibilities… But thats ok... And If they didn’t take care of home.. they are selfish, the black sheep (pun intended, so read till the end)… Hmmm, cant deny the grain of truth in that either…….

So here we have Gandhiji.... who changed the history of a country but couldn’t save the soul of his son… Why couldn’t his acts of truth and compassion inspire his son to be a great leader…

Maybe the son didn’t want all that… he jus needed a father, not a great leader… but does the fact that the father couldn’t cater to the needs of his son , make the dad a failure…………….. Wouldn't the dad be equally in pain.. for if he so loved the world, how much more would he have loved his very own son.. how much more would the pain in the eyes of his son, affect him....

Its easy for "me" to say,... well you know, as a father, he was a failure…..He did make some "sacrifice".... if he can take care of all those leaders from diverse backgorunds, why cant he handle his kid better... He did have the people of a country on one side and his son on the other…..

And the mahatma made a choice…

and today the side he chose, decided to conduct a poll….

The results were out in a few minutes….

The question once again... - Was Gandhi, the father of the nation, a failure as a father to his own son?

80% -Yes ; 20% - No

All I can think after watching this result was the quote by Larry Flint .....

“Majority rule only works if you're also considering individual rights. Because you can't have five wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.”

Appearances are.........

2007-08-09T07:50:00.000+05:30

A lip smacking mango pickle given to me by my friend’s lovely mom.
I had left it outside for two days and when i opened it, this is how it looked..

There was a white fuzzy soft cotton ball on top of the bright red, orange mango pickle.. It didnt have a speck of oil and discoloration.... like they say, pure as white.... Only to realize what appeared so serene was fungi …. But still, me was in awe....

Fill up my senses.......

2007-08-07T19:58:00.000+05:30

For all those (including me) who seem to have "lost it" , feel "weary", "tired" ,"numb" and dont seem to realise the pleasure that life has to offer........
Maybe we should not have been gifted with the abilities, which we take for granted....
Then there might be hope that we would SEE..... the way she does....

Three Days to See
What would you look at if you had just three days of sight?
Helen Keller, blind and deaf from infancy, gives her answer in this remarkable essay.

I have often thought it would be a blessing if each human being were stricken blind and deaf for a few days at some time during his early adult life. Darkness would make him more appreciative of sight, silence would teach him the joys of sound. Now and then I have tested my seeing friends to discover what they see.
Recently I asked a friend, who had just returned from a long walk in the woods, what she had observed. “Nothing in particular,” she replied.
How was it possible, I asked myself, to walk for an hour through the woods and see nothing worthy of note? I who cannot see find hundreds of things to interest me through mere touch.

I feel the delicate symmetry of a leaf.
I pass my hands lovingly about the smooth skin of a silver birch, or the rough, shaggy bark of a pine.
In spring I touch the branches of trees hopefully in search of a bud, the first sign of awakening Nature after the winter’s sleep. Occasionally, if I am very fortunate, I place my hand gently on a small tree and feel the happy quiver of a bird in full song.

At time my heart cries out with longing to see all these things. If I can get so much pleasure from mere touch, how much more beauty must be revealed by sight. And I have imagined what I should most like to see if I were given the use of my eyes, say for just three days.

On the first day, I should want to see the people whose kindness and companionship have made my life worth living. I do not know what it is to see into the heart of a friend through that “window of the soul,” the eye. I can only “see” through my fingertips the outline of a face. I can detect laughter, sorrow, and many other obvious emotions. I know my friends from the feel of their faces. For instance, can you describe accurately the faces of five different friends? As an experiment, I have questioned husbands about the colour of their wives’ eyes, and often they express embarrassed confusion and admit that they do not know.
I should like to see the books which have been read to me, and which have revealed to me the deepest channels of human life. In the afternoon I should take a long walk in the woods and intoxicate my eyes on the beauties of the world of Nature. And I should pray for the glory of a colourful sunset. That night, I should not be able to sleep.

On my second day, I should like to see the pageant of man’s progress, and I should go to the museums. I should try to probe into the soul of man through his art. The things I knew through touch I should now see. The evening of my second day I should spend at a theatre or at the movies.

The following morning, I should again greet the dawn, anxious to discover new delights, new revelations of beauty. Today this third day, I shall spend in the workaday world, amid the haunts of men going about the business of life.
At midnight permanent night would close on me again. Only when darkness had again descended upon me should I realize how much I had left unseen.

I am sure that if you faced the fate of blindness you would use your eyes as never before. Everything you saw will become dear to you. Your eyes will touch and embrace every object that came within your range of vision. Then, at least, you would really see, and a new world of beauty would open itself before you.

I who am blind can give one hint to those who see:
Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be stricken blind. And the same method can be applied to the other senses.
Hear the music of voices, the song of a bird, the mighty strains of an orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf tomorrow.
Touch each object as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail.
Smell the perfume of flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and taste again.
Make the most of every sense; glory in all the facets of pleasure and beauty, which the world reveals to you through the several means of contact which nature provides.

But of all the senses, I am sure that sight must be the most delightful.

Muskurata hoon main..............

2007-08-06T19:01:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine told me that i seem to be happy nowadays.... all i could do was smile and reply.. "Yes, i 'seem' so..... and felt like humming the song which charming Vinod Mehra sings so soulfully in "Lal Pather" ... .

Geet gaata hoon main,
gunagunata hoon main
maine hasne ka vaada kiyaa tha kabhi
isliye ab sada muskuraata hoon main

Yeh mohabbat ke pal kitne anmol hain
kitne phoolon se naajuk mere bol hain
sab ko phoolon kee mala pahanataa hoon main
muskurataa hoon main ..

Roshini hogi itni kise thee khabar
Mere man kaa ye darpan gaya hain nikhar
saaf hain ab ye darpan dikhaata hoon main
muskurataa hoon main ...

Maine hasne kaa vaadaa kiyaa thaa kabhi
isliye ab sadaa muskurata hoon main..............

Color of Friendship... is grey......

2007-08-05T19:35:00.000+05:30

Me read this line a couple of days back....

"Friendship is all those shades of grey between all the legitimate and the illegitimate relationships that society defines...."

For all my friends out there... Happy Friendship Day!!!

Thanks for loving me, inspite of who or what i am....